[ The Waves Of Pain Washed Over Me ]

[Alas, I'm Tired Of This Life... I Wish I Could Move Onto The Next And Forget This One]

2007-03-21T04:08:57Z

Ah yeah, well I told you so. Lea got her summer allergies.

Shitfuckbitch! Pollen mostly. Now I have a runny nose, bleeding of fingers and shit, and even more so of the sore throat. More about that later...

About Lea's Day: Band. We just played in the Music Pieces and that was all. YAY! Also got really high when drinking/snuffing powdered PowerAid in P.E. class today. Damn, got really fucking perverse when talking to Shonna. Was talking about tripods and bars. Not a good combination I tell you. I was so cocky. LoL. Heh, but it was worth it to laugh if for a short time. We played Capture the ~~Fag~~ Flag again. This time I wasn't so victorious; my team has the best fucking defense ever only to be weak in the offense. Thanks, Aaron, for backing me up bud! After that, we took a test in Biology class. It was boring; the microscopic world of algae and shit like that. Art, I sat around trying to draw something... it didn't turn out very well... Made more fliers in Advanced Computers. I went to Lunch. Prune, Anni, Thomas and I talked about the open forums of our lives. [Ex. Don't you just hate it when people talk about you? Yeah. But how about the fact that they talk right about you in front of you?! Yeah, Johnathan was talking about Thomas like that. Hilarious.] Went to Geography afterwards... we talked about China. Intresting movie, but I fell asleep halfways through. Sad. :( Study Hall was were forced to read, and math we did (new seating chart - fuck!) another few hundred state tests. LoL. English? We got out labtops and were suppose to have been working on reports, but our class has something else in mind: fool around on the 'net. LoL. And since LJ, Blogger, FanFiction, and all my other sites were blocked, I went to the Twilight page and read Midnight Sun. Also seen the cover art to Eclispe {I know! Late! I'm slow!} and man, that is so ~~fucking awesome~~! I would like to pre-order it, but I'm too poor to pay for something like that. Boo hoo.

Anni asked me to stay after school today to watch her in the track meet. She ran good and hard and in return, I worshiped her and her match. Heh. Anni was my ~~fuckingassbitchplease~~ hero!

Aw yeah well, there is nothing much here to be going over, so let's get a move on with newer things...

Before school: The usual... {Get up somewhat early, or get ready fast, get online for 30 minutes and then worry about getting to school on time when I see the clock and start to panic. Then yell at dad to drive to high school faster in fear of being alone in the hallways to walk to class to be late.}

Band: Play Like the ~~Fucking~~ Stars Forever and Ever. That or even go out of my way and go with my group to go and pretend to preform the magical talents of whats-his-name and his rather ugly written flute music. That and have a cow over my bleeding fingers and red stained flute with lots and lots of blood drying against the finger pads and oozing out the finger holes...

P.E.: We're lifting weights today. Make sure and grab a partner or risk it with someone like Beth or Mel. They don't talk much at all, very boring.

Biology: Something pathetic... I think I failed my Bio test... Shit...

Art: Sleep. Dunno... don't care...

Advanced Computers: Something stupid. Make fliers again.

Lunch: Talk to Anni about something and pretend to listen...

Study Hall: Dunno... don't care...

Algebra: I dunno... morn over my current setting and pray to Buddha that there is a restart button.

English: Dunno... don't care. State testings.

After School: Nothing really... I haven't planned nothing but to morn some more and stay home resting... I beaten to a pulp.

To those wondering about my bleeding problem/bleeding fingertips: My friend Thomas and I were fighting over his notebook cause he scanned all my drawings, even the bad ones, and I was scanning his, so naturally, when I came to his "bad" art, he spazzed and ripped the notebook out of my hands. Poor me. My fingers were wrapped around the paper edges and when he pulled, they lodged into my fingers and pulled out a huge chunk of skin in each finger. They bleed constantly or when I flex my fingers too much. That is why I am complaining about blood and all.

Another thing; I don't think I should be reading any more TWILIGHT/NEW MOON FanFiction; they're all too damn angsty for me. I always end up crying, angsty, shouting, pissed off, hurt, sad, pathetic, embarssesed, weird-ed out, emotional, passionate, and a whole lot of pain when I read them. LoL. WHY I NEVER!?! Even Inuyasha's SessKag never set me off this bad! Heh! LoL.

Later Losers. Love You Too.

[I'm Growing Tired of This Life... Is It Already That Time of the Year Again?!]

2007-03-20T04:05:46Z

Yeah: I'm growing tired of this life... is it already that time of the month again? To get a new one?! ~~ALREADY?!~~ I just bought a new one last week!

Aw, updated the profile on this thing. I didn't expect to get this personal with it. Heh. So now that I am, I can't say that is something good. People are going to start stalking me! o_O

>.>

<.<

O_O "I see one!"

[LoL.] Also liked to say to all those wanting to know; the Black Diamonds Prologue and Chapter 1 are coming along just fine. Also started to work on new original stories. Fandom still isn't cutting it for me. LoL. Shit. Also good news! Got a few new friends on my space! Thank you! But my bebo still lacks. But otherwise I think I could settle for less.

Had fun today, well sort of. Band, we were ~~fucking~~ chewed out again for something that we didn't do. In P.E., we ran laps and I actually managed to keep up... thanks to Johnathan: we were slapping his sun burned arms. In Biology [test tomorrow] we basically sat around and did nothing. Heh. Art was the usual. I did some more scratch art, but I'm too lazy to be scanning it into the computer. LoL. Advanced Computers was a drag; we made flyers for a roommate's apartment. After that I went to lunch and Thomas and I compared art work to determine who was better when he gave me a rather nasty looking paper cut. And I gotta say; the blood to that cut was not very pleasant. It ~~fucking~~ seeped all over and reeked! I went to Geography and Jekka was there (I think that is her name; everyone was calling her that at least. And she responded too!) to let me and Hachi do worksheets together. In Algebra we did a review. ~~Fuck!~~ We have a state test tomorrow and now I'm bleeding all over the place and paper cuts galor! English was a drag where as we sat around and did research for our state testings; I've got to write a paper on Teen Pregnancy in society. Fascinating! *wow* and *totally sarcasm* Heh.

Gave Shay a ride home too when my dad came to pick me up after school. LoL. Well, more like after we were shocked out of rotten candy and shit-smelling bathrooms. LOL X 1000! I swear! The bathrooms smelt like... * - Lea Censored - * Yeah. But I felt like the day lagged on more than usual.

And I have to ask you this; come 'on people! Let's get effing real here; at this very second... this very moment [year, month, day, hour, minute, second... whatever!] is this all real? For once again I'm sitting here being my ignorant self and denying all prospects of this world and once more am I blaming the self-loathing that has accumulated over the years in my candy stash. Yeah. Once again! And well all know what came of that! *shudder in suffering of said muse* Simply Rain Simply Tears, which was more like a bad ideogram turned cheap crack on avenue. Please do not bring it up [thank you].

Also really, really pitiful; Mikazuki Tsuki has been updating the teen hit, My Bitter Romance, and I haven't even been reading! Shame! >o< I almost cried and lost it in the underworld when I found out she's now on chapter 3 and I only read to the 2nd. Shame and utterly pitiful on my behalf! What kind of "devoted" reader/reviewer am I? Certainly a failing one at the least! Gosh!

Gawd, also, whoever the hell is thinking about me, please stop it! I'm sneezing like a old hag on meds with allergies over here. I don't think its all the damn pollen/grain in the air, but rather some dust. Which reminds me; I should be getting my summer cold here anytime soon now. LoL. ^^; I'm prone to sneezing out my battered brains from dust mites, cat litter, pollen, grains, wheat, cotton, bleach, hick talk, Rez Indian's Hick talk, chemicals, dirt/dust, bad fanfiction, clorox, fresh soil, some flowers, and dove soaps in the summer. Shit. I think it's happening! LoL. Note on the Rez - we found Indians in the medical cabinet under the "H's" (?!?!) and Shay and I laughed. But then we freaked, "What the fuck are 'Indians' doing in the filling cabinet!?!" Also found "Wounded Knee." Now that one was funny, but partain to the fact that that may be my future school whether or not I wish to leave consent and have my guardian-ship-ness passed onto my uncle. LoL. The cabinet is filled with topics for the state testing, which I so totally think is a load of bull since we all know that Nebraska is a hick town and we live in the boonies. No wonder they call us the in-breeders!

Well now I must depart! The night is somewhat young and I still have to do some school work - dammit Anni! I am studying! - and even figure out what to do tomorrow in art class all while hauling load on books to and from the school. Shitloadfuck.

To Do List for Tomorrow:

Wash clothes, find a book to read, take back books, and even visit the Library more often. I hear they got new books in..... hmmmm.........

Before school: Get up somewhat early, or get ready fast, get online for 30 minutes and then worry about getting to school on time when I see the clock and start to panic and go into CA. Then yell at dad to drive to high school faster in fear of being alone in the hallways to walk to class to be late. Yesh. I worry WAY too much! No wonder! Look at these white hairs!

Band: Play Like the ~~Fucking~~ Stars Forever and Ever and then break groups. Attempt to play and practice with what I've gotten down so far. If not, pretend to play and then blame it all on the dude watching from the window. He broke my concentration!

P.E.: I pray to God that we play badminton, where as my right hand reflex is acceptable somewhat and I won't get tackled and bruised from the boys. If not; Capture the ~~Fag~~ Flag. Ahem. Play nice now boys!

Biology: Damn test tomorrow; yes, Mother, Slave-Driver, Bestest Friend in the Whole Wide World! Anni, I WILL study... for once. Maybe I shall pass... or not... Let's take it slow now, okay? How about a B-? No?

Art: Sit there and get whats-his-'fro to quit staring at me. Do something... How about math? Or even more scratch art? No? Picky! Math it is then... Oh, the dude's name is Tyler Buchanen. I think... yeah. That is it.

Advanced Computers: Listen to Joey play video games and then do something unproductive such as make childish flyers and banner to hand out to the student population only to see it in the trash later. How egotistical!

Lunch: Do something even more PRODUCTIVE! and then talk to Thomas about the conveying belt of life and all its wonders. After that... steal Johnathan's milk and eat Thomas' crackers. And than talk art shit to them. Yeah. That will do.

Study Hall: Read. Bring a book. Read. Pretend to read and then sit there and stare out the window or even consider to just muse and ponder on what the hell A.) I lost B.) Life can do C.) My gatherings D.) ~~Fuck it!~~ Just sit there and zone off, space out. Yeah man!

Algebra: Get down on my hands and knees and pray to God that Shay and I sit somewhere close in the room to check papers to see my bad grades. Heh. I mean, we ARE in 10th grade! You think they would let us sit wherever we want! Damn freshmen... cheap anyways...

English: Do whatever the hell the sub wants me to without bleeding to death over a prick and then sit somewhere where I won't get ambushed by jocks and newbies. I fear germs... teen idiotic-ness-poo. Very contaminated. Very deadly...

After School: Worry about Dad picking me up, and he forgetting, only to walk home after school and then be mad when it is freaking hot outside and I'm wearing my black slacks for I wanted to be comfortable. I fear the ozone layer of high schools. Very much dirty and hard working. I want to relax in comfy pants and shirt. Damn, will the sun be out tomorrow? PROBABLY WITH MY LUCK!

Later losers. Love ya!

[Pain Reflected Through Art, The Truth Behind The Broken Glass]

2007-03-19T03:06:25Z

Yesterday, was a ~~fucking~~ blast. Uncle Jodie and Little Jodie came into town. Which was so totally awesome since I actually got some sun and even ate outside during the spontaneous cookout. But I still believe that the intellic of the grill was higher than that of Little Jodie. He may be older than me, but still... I find that even I have a few more points of IQ than that guy. Even if it is percentage.

Otherwise; I'm still not over my degree of fanfiction and whatnot. I've still not posted all of my other writings such as Black Diamonds, but am rather waiting for my turn of age. Right now, I'm more or less still having a fit over the whole moronic creature known as Tenshi_Eternity and their idea of the perfect fanfiction. God, it made me angry the way that people flame you and just when you turn around, they don't even writing fanfiction much less even bother to try. And if they do? I find that they lack more than I supposingly do, which in my eyes is rather pathetic for I am over-confindent, or just plain cocky, that I can beat some of the best when my vocabulary and ideas come out. I find that as a 15 year old I still produce more work that is better than the older authors who can't write worth their lives, but that is where even I come out to help, so I guess I can't be that evil. I guess when I hit that mature streak, I know I can be the part of the best. That... or I'm just plain cocky and arrogant. Right now, also, I'm trying to come up with a totally kick ass plot that will accepted into the Twilight Archive [FanFiction and FanArt] without me having to go for a resume and fillout the ness. forms. I want to be that good where they come to ask me (!) to be on their site. Messed up, I know, but I want to know where I'm wanted. But high hopes on a even higher horse. LOL.

Plus that, I've gotten quite a few PMs [from FanFiction] from a guy who read my IY Fandom and wants me to hang around in the Harry Potter section. I said hell no! My Harry Potter stalking spree was ranging from 2003-2004. Sixth grade. Damn, that was a long time ago. I've had it with Harry Potter. Kudos to you if you adore, but I don't. I still watch it, but other than that, I could actually care less about what happens. The 5th book barely held my intrest. Sorry, JK Rowling, I've given up: S. Meyer claimed my heart and soul. I've even posted on my arm, "I Heart S. Meyer" on my arm. Besides, what does the world think about Little Harry becoming a man? I read that and my eyes about buldged. I bet the fangirls were screaming so hard and their eyeballs washed out before turning to puddy . Haha. LoL. Well, the preverse fans (*wicked good* >:D ) of course. The other fans have my respect of loving the wizard. I adore loyal people.

Other than that, I checked out Dead Journal. Think I would like to have one to ~~bitch~~ complain about life, but since I'm underage and preferably broke, I can't afford one right now. I mean, look at this. I'm using a basic account about now 'cause the ads on the totally new and revised plus accounts has adds that drive me over the walls. Decided that I can handle life as pathetic and hopelessly as vowels. Also that I don't need friends and only need Anni in my life. I love you Anni. LoL. ^_~ <3 <3 <3 But what is life without memories? Well, I'll make some more. Updated My Space. Butterfly layouts... again. Heh. Whatnot but the best I can get without wild and crazy pictures in even more pointless profiles? ~~I say I framed Josh for everything when I Joshed you out.~~

And now; let's everyone see my awful art work:

{Drawn with a fat pencil in Art II class. Please leave a comment. Thanks.}

LoL. Yeah, that is me. I drew that a while back ago and recently found it under my dresser when I was looking for my Biology book. Smeared and crusty, don't worry; it looked worse before. Well the truth is that I haven't written much less drawn anything in a while to even began to cope a feeling of inspiration. I can't draw worth my life anymore and I find that I'm too lazy to get inspired. Nothing really has sparked my intrest, but I was thinking of doing some Edward/Bella fanart for the Twilight Archives and donating it to the site.

I can't do a thing for the picture either; I'm too poor to be paying for something like those fancy paint jobs to be decorating it with colors. So I'll settle for paints and colors in reality. But all thanks to my wonderful new scanner! Horray! But now I'm trying to get back on the scene with even more to offer next year when I hit the 'net once more. Maybe I'll even be better than ever.

Now I decided to start posting my art at Nocturnal_Passion when I get the art forms set up. So now you all know; I draw, read, and write really crappy. Heh. LoL. Go fig. Fifteen and yet I'm still too old to enjoy my life. Also: No DevArt. I can't even work with that when I see the formation of my friend's account. I cracked. And now I realize the picture above; the top frame is smeared. Shoot.

I shall now go to homework and then continue to work on Black Diamonds before drawing some more. That is if I am not sidetracked by fanfiction... *sigh* And then tomorrow I shall have a shitty day at school.

Later yo. Have a good one.

[Quit Whispering . . . I Can Read Your Mind, So Quit Cursing Me]

2007-03-16T06:12:44Z

Before School

Well its offically Friday and I'm bugging about school right now. I have morning classes today. I asked Cari earlier when I hit the store. Sad, but I'm still in blame for skipping... which I so totally did not. Long story short guys, I'm going miz again and wanted to leave. So I did. I left and headed out to the Rez. We went down to the Rapids area which I was suppose to spend all damn weekend! BUT NO! What happens instead? I'm not even 5 min. past the state line and I hear Anni's little voice in my head telling me that ditching is not right. Anni's voice and then Shay's. LoL. They bug me all the way till the Rapids and all over the city. Poor me! Voices in my head. Well, after that, I sat around trying to will it to go away, and then I though, "What the hell am I doing?" As much as I do not like school, I live for Anni and Shay. So afterwards, I packed my bags up and come on home. Which was no fun at all. But anyways, I don't want to go to school! I know, I'm whiney and sound like a little girl, but I think that even 15 year olds are allowed a break to bitch and complain about something anyways.

Now I'm worrying about my life and so called "life" in the world of social and society. LoL. Yeah, but right now, I'm worried about finishing a really hot, and I mean HOT Twilight posting at the Edward/Bella grouping. Steamy. LoL. But damnit Carlisle, get out of the ~~fucking~~ picture! LoL. But thank God, he does! EDWARD/BELLA FOREVER! [Also supporting Jacob/Bella.] I'm in tears! ;_; Bella cheated on Edward! WITH CARLISLE! NOOOOooO!

The skies look grey, I hope it means rain, but with my current luck; I have to doubt so. But I've got to say that ever since I had that conversation with my *ahem* "friends," that my days are really going back to how they were; boring, dull, uneventful, tiredom... just plain dead. I'm feeling that immortal feeling in me again and also the pain is coming back. More emotionally rather than phsyically. And I'm starting to desire a... um... companion? Odd. I never craved companionship. I knew I would always be the odd one out, but I just grew used to it and now I think I'm turning sadist again. So I'm back where I started except this time not as dramatic and suidical. That part, I most definatly gotten rid of and I'm happy that I have. I didn't have to have help from anyone else. No. I did it all on my own and so right about now I'm thinking that I can do it all over again. But as they say, whatever floats your boat! ^_~ To float my boat I need rain... LOTS O LOTS O RAIN. RIGHT. NOW. DAMNIT. FIST. SHAKE.

I'm also feeling kinda lonely, so I'm thinking about reading once more my beloved tale; To Wash It All Away by Crystal Echoes. Or how about simply more Twilight/New Moon LOVE? Yeah, me too. How about some Royal Sun? Hell yeah!

After school:

Yeah, I went to school. It was so ~~fucking~~ cool. XD

I mean, I get there, and yeah band was boring for ~~she~~ was there. But as soon as I saw Anni, man! I swear! My lifetime just doubled over! LoL. So I went to go get my makeup slip with Anni who offered to come when we meet Shay outside of the stage doors. We went to go and get my makeup slip but we ran into him: the one that haunts me; DS. Yeah, I admit it, my heart flipped, but I remembered the pain of love, so I started to bask in the warmth of Anni's voice. THANK YOU ANNI!

But we got the slip and returned to class. Fuck yeah, it sucked. LoL. We played Like The Stars Forever and Ever before breaking the group to go and play the concert pieces and different groups. So our small, tiny 4 player piece [Anni, Courtney, Ashley, and I] leave to go and play before returning only to find Mr. Meng bitching and complaining about the band not practicing, save us actually practicing in the choir room. LoL. That was so fucking funny the way some of those losers looked. Hahah! I HAD to laugh!

I thought P.E. was going to be a bored, but it happens that I won the game of Capture the Flag! FUCKING YEAH SHIT! LOL! Johnathan and I were the only ones left to duke it out so I saved my life and saved Taylor's before running back to grab the last flag. It was so fucking awesome that I was so shocked I didn't know why everyone was laughing and thanking me. Anni had the BIGGEST grin on her face I ever seen! LOL!

I ran around in my slacks and hoodie after that to pretend to be drunk before I hit the Biology class. I copied Anni's notes before we continued to watch March of the Penguins and I cried for all those little penguins dying. :*( How sad! But I wandered the halls looking for the jackass who dared to steal Anni's hairclip and even got a few swigs of pop from the pop machines. Damnit, the caffiene one almost died. After that was calm; I rested in Art Class and took a nap. I was then picked up by my mother and we went to the place she works [she's the manager at some store in town] and I sat around talking to random people I happened to cross. We come home and I picked up Michaela and the others before hitting the Rez again. This time; my grandmother's house which reminds me so much of Billy in Twilight. LoL. And since my vacation (see above - I was suppose to be gone today having went to a shitty day of school on Thursday) was postponed due to Anni's voice, I slept rather good over there on the couch for quite some hours before we returned home to watch T.V. and eat the best food in the world; poptarts. LoL. But that was my day. Which I so fucking enjoyed and wished that everyday was like this one, which is sad for it cannot be.

To others; I know this is not much compared to others, but I'm only 15 leading on and this is as good as it's going to get for me. I'm loving every damn minute of it. But I know, at least I care to know it, my salvation is still lost.

Now I have to go read a LJ comment from someone who I know will hurt me (*ahem* Kisses!) . I shall report tomorrow with a blunder. I'm going to go cry some more with my broken heart.

March 17: Yeah. SatansKisses99 (or demonic_kisses) is quite mad at me. Psh! Sheesh! What more can I give you?!

[Its Too Early For Shit Like This]

2007-03-15T20:03:27Z

I was bored...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

[I Ate The Drama and Then I Dreamt of Her]

2007-03-15T19:55:53Z

I got to say at least I now know where my allies lie.

To all; I've got to say that I fucking hate high school drama. Yeah. I absolutly love to read about it in mangas and laugh about it, but quiet frankly I hate the system of life and now I want to beat the shit out of it.

Well, now, I'm suicidal. Yeah right. I dunno why people always have to asume things about me. I am not suicidal, but now all thanks to one supposingly shit-load of a "friend" (*ahem*) I got the whole damn school asking me if I need "help." Heh. But ah well, there nothing to living I guess. I suppose it can only be natural as to what the hell I am feeling right about now. But... damn high school drama!

[She Got Ill And Looked Just As Bad As The Corpse of A Beloved Man]

2007-03-13T03:45:59Z

Well I started reading The Great King by Known As R all over again just cause I loved it that much. Also came out with a new {edited} (Counter). Also this was funny to read too: Domestic Disputes.

Yeah I miss the laughs of Untold Stories. LoL.

Sesshoumaru and Miroku were out for a Saturday stroll. Sesshoumaru had Kagome's Doberman and Miroku had Sango's Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, Sesshoumaru said to Miroku, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink." Miroku says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." and pointed to the huge sign that said, "NO PETS!"

Sesshoumaru said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and Sesshoumaru put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Sir, no pets allowed." and points to the sign. Sesshoumaru said, "Oh, Sir, but you don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"

Sesshoumaru said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." and fixes his glasses. He smirks. The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in." Sesshoumaru turned to give Miroku the thumbs-up and cruised in without another word. Miroku, who was still with the Chihuahua, figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable, so he even swayed his arms to and fro. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." and once again points to the "NO PETS!" sign.

Miroku said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

Miroku says, "A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a damn Chihuahua???"

Sango: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?

Kagome: Yeah, it comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.

Sango: What do you get if you put 100 rejected Miroku's in your basement?

Kagome: I dunno... what?

Sango: A whine cellar.

Yeah, I don't wanna go to school tomorrow. It will most def. suck ~~ass~~ pothead. And I'll have a TON of things to do, which totally sucks for me due to the fact that I'm behind and have like, really bad grades since I neglect to do so and rather work on my art and original writing and read stuff.

But to all who know me: yes, I was gone today. And I'm sorry that I broke the promise Anni! SO SORRY! I don't deserve your friendship. ;_; Forgive me. But a dude on my mother's side of the family died and all at Rosebud. So I went with my mother to go give grace and then that is what I got sick. Lucky for me, my uncle, Jody, was in the Rez and happened to drop by to see "the damage" and happened upon my pale body laying there on the floor with about a few hundred people about ready to tramble me. So being the loving uncle he is, he offers to take me back to his house futher East and let me rest. I go with him back further down the Rez and I rest with Seekto (Little Jody) and War Captain (Lyle). They lend me their HUGE bed and I continue to sleep and eat what they managed not to burn and be treated like a Princess until my mother came to fetch me. And cause of their behavior, I was reluctent to leave, but I did and came home only to sleep some more. I got some sun for those of you who know me, but I'm am still unearthly pale for a Native America. LoL.

But as you also know; I'd rather catch one of my colds and stay home ill rather than go to school and study. Yeah, I hate my school that much. I need the space to breath, and this school can't provide that for me. I'm sorry Anni that I broke a promise. I'm so sorry. Tell me how to make it up to you.

[No One Cares If You Are Bleeding As Long As You Do Not Stain Their White Carpets]

2007-03-12T03:42:22Z

Aw yeah. Monday. The day of the week that I hate the most. I ~~loath~~ hate mondays. Shit. Well, Monday March 11, 2007, at school, it shall only be Anni and Hachi. Gawd, I so despise lonely mondays. So this is my rambling post that I will write too when I have to say that I hate Mondays. Yeah. Cause I really hate starting all over again when I have absolutly nothing to gain and everything to lose.

Also, 2nd day Trade Show; I was the ONLY one to supply baked goods to break line. The only one! I don't think that those who didn't raise money shouldn't get to play with the big boys/gals. Hell yeah! Ahem to that!

Class Schedule:

Band: Wait for the Jazz Band to leave, then be taunted by the other flute players.
P.E.: Run laps, pass out, have an asthma attack, then run again, pass out...
Biology: ~~Watch March of the Penguins~~ Do something boring...
Art: Mold clay pots.
Advanced Computers: Do a boring excerise.
Lunch: Eat all alone with Anni at the Lunch Table.
Geography: Do something boring, like a new chapter.
Advisior: Work on something, draw, read, write.
Algebra: ~~Shit.~~ A boring excerise. Review.
English: Start the state-testings. ~~What awesome joy.~~

But I shall have to do all of that Tuesday. I can't go to school, Monday; I have to stay home, clean house and then leave to head over to a funeral. So what fun I shall have wearing black and crying.

Also: My To-Do List! (From the last few posts)

I wonder why God choose me to suffer the most! I want salvation, damnit! Effing salvation! I was suppose to be free!

We went to the baseball field a few times to train Bre and Kyle. It was fucking awesome. LoL. I even hit a few good leans and shot it out. But I'd be lying if I said I caught it; I screamed and ducked. Then it popped into my mind of how Edward and Emmett played. That would be so awesome. I mean, Edward runs the fastest and Emmett does hit the hardest. I would so pay to see that game. But every asshole had to drive-by and watch us play. And then they would pull over and watch as we ran around the field. Seekto also came and once more was glued to this very screen; I'm still wiping drool from it.

Also;

Dear Shonna,
I do cuss. ~~A lot~~ Sometimes, not all the time. I just have more respect about it than you do. But that is what I like about you. You would probably say

something right about now like, "Who gives a shit?! I'll cuss as much as I fucking want! No one tells me what I can and can't fucking do!"

Hahaha.

With Love,

Lea

Writing Schedule:
My Stained Lips: Edit Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2
UNTAMED: Finish Prologue
Black Diamonds: Edit Prologue, Write Chapter 1
What Does It Mean To Be Loved?: Re-do Chapters 1-3, Plot Out Ending
~~Plus all other dares, challenges, etc., etc., that I care to do!~~

As in the words of [Wife Contest]:

Iruka: “Why? Why am I being punished this way?”
Boys: “We’re not that bad!”
Iruka: “Shut up! This is a conversation between me and God!”
Boys: “Sorry.”
Iruka: “Don’t say sorry to me!"
Boys: “Sorry God.”
*A voice spoke up from out of no where.*
God: “It’s alright.”
*The males looked at each other before looking up at the sky.*

Edit-n-Cut: [My Pathetic Cut-Version]

Iruka: “Why God?! WHY?!?!" ;_;
Boys: -_-;;
Iruka: "Damnit, God?! Answer me! Was it because I was too naughty? Was cause I cheated too much? Was it all due to my inability to be the promising man?! "
Boys: Um... T_T
Iruka: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry for all my deeds! I'm sorry for the time I cheated, I'm sorry for the time I looked at her, I'm even sorry for the time that I said, "Screw you!" I'm sorry...
*Continues on rambling*
Boys: *Leaves*
God: *Leaves and descends back into the Heavens*

I wanna be real...

Dear God,

Sometime I wonder why you make me suffer the way I do. I mean, I'm flipping immortal! Fifteen damn long years on this planet and already I'm old. I've lived too long. I can tell from my bones - they hurt so much - I was suppose to die a while back, and now I've failed to get myself killed. LoL. So now I feel like I'm immortal. Makes sense. Fifteen long years with trash, death, and lies. Fifteen long years to make one hell of a sad story with fifteen long chapters of written tales that convert into being a whole collection of historical writings from the time of 1991 to the time of 2007. And guess what? You're making me hit 16 this year. That is so long! I mean, I spanned the ages! The least you could do is give me some cut back!

Not only am I different, I'm not normal, I'm immortal, and I'm - most of all - a mind reader. But half the time it fails me miserably cause I hit the power switch. LoL. I'm the ideal artist that works hard with that look in the eye and the attempted writer. The one who fell ill so many times and the one that got lazy and said hit the pause button. Girl who wants a job but can't cause her skin color is tan, one who has black/brown hair and one-who-ever-other-girl-hates-for-no-obvious-reason-and-yeah!-we-just-love-to-hate-her!So give me a sign that doesn't say I'm cursed and the cure is on the way. Thanks.

With Much Love,

Lea

My apologizes. I'm literally feeling utterly pathetic and feel that I have to say it all to you now. But since I am such a coward to say those words that I will never let leave my lips, I shall give you this URL and pray that you can find it and read it.

To Anni: I'm sorry that you have to suffer with a bad friend like me. Forgive me for not being strong enough. I wanted your ability to smile no matter what and still have the will to go on; to be that strong and to be that good of a friend and person on this world. I always wanted to enjoy a walk with you down the street with no name. I've always wanted you to be happy above all the others; you don't deserve anything that I can give you. You deserve something better... something better than me. Always. I love you. Thank you for the light you put in my nocturnal soul.

To Shay: I've always loved you and envied your passions for life and all the things in it. Your hope and love; so strong and so determined. I never doubted that you would love so much and learn to accept all things. Even if you were upset, you were still very much alive. And when you said that you didn't look good and looked like crap? I always thought that you looked beautiful. Never would I fall in love with you that way, but as the cousin and best friend you are to me. I don't deserve your love at all. But thank you for everything in my life.

To Courtney: Thank you for what you have given me and what you will give to me. I'm not worthy to have it, but as greedy as I am, I still take it with the hope to fullfill it and be as brave as you have been. You give me laughs and pleasures of the simple life and the desire to be what I can and should be. To have something like you in my life is something entirely different from what I once thought about 5 years ago.

To Ashley: You always were the wild and free one. I always wanted that untamed passion as where I was too tame. You loved to run and be so free with the winds that you passed. So funny, and so utterly precious. LoL. I loved the way that you always put up with everything *ahem* and kept those lips shut from the harsh truth to bring out the goodness in something so un-pure. Thank you.

To John aka Prune: Thank you Prune for the dollar. That is all.

To Thomas: I've only begun to talk to you and I've only begun to discover you and your mysterious holdings, but I do know that you are entirely something different than what I looked at in the average "human" in the past 3 years that I've discovered my findings. I do enjoy the chats we've had and all the small civil debates we have at that lone lunch table with just the four of us in our whole clique. Thank you for helping me with math and I am truly sorry that you helped me the whole period instead of studying chemistry. Mr. M is a whore-slut if he didn't let you study for a few min. I hate him.

To Cari, Beth, Shonna: I always wanted your carefree natures. The idea to laugh and prance around with those giggles, cuss words, and even the hope to call out to the preps and call them bitches when they do something to us. I praise you and shall always remember what you lived for. Cari? Ew, look at her. She reeks of prep and slutty-ness! Ew. The way she walks! LoL.

To Kira: I'm sorry that the things we did didn't exactly work out between us. I mean, you went your way and I went mine. But now that we are at crossroads, I know that you will take the left and I will take the right. I do not know who is right and who is wrong and I know that we are not as close as we once were, but I do know that we will meet paths once more and maybe this time, we will travel together instead of saying again.

To John aka Prune: LoL. Sorry! I just had to do that above. Now for the shameful truths; I always liked your creative ways and respected that. I learned your ways of life and I even talked with someone I didn't know to going to talking about the deepest of things. You were the human and I was the alien. And even when I called you the Pilgrim and you called me the Indian, we still had Thanksgiving together. LoL. We even called me Doral and you Prune. :D You are the best and worst way to live life to the fullest!

This is a worthless post...
All because of my humanity too, isn't it?! Damn you Vampires! Damn you World! >:O

[Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Fall Down. Fall Down. Down, Down, Down.]

2007-03-11T05:25:33Z

As if I don't have enough to do already... ~~fuck...~~

Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine.

Summary: Ripples deep into the night.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. The soft sensation of the rain was the only noise heard deep into the night. Its echo played out and weaved in time to the beat of the crickets and hums of the fireflies. The water ran along the crescent of the fold in the leaves and fell from the awkward branches into the puddles below. The stars that appeared in between the clouds rang out in the once velvet black skies. Thunder could be heard in the longing distance and shook the ground with its rumbling vibrations. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Lighting flashed across the sky catching the shadows and eyes of the prey and the predators. Only one side would survive in the night and only one...

But deep into the darkness of the forest, two young teens lost their way and were separated from their squad. If one watched close enough, you could see the shadow leaping from tree to tree with a limp figure in its arms. It stopped on the slippery branches to rest if only for a moment, and then continued on its way, well to where ever it figured it was to go. The pants of the figure came out in wisps of white hot air and were the only clue as to tell that he was ever there. He jumped trying to desperately escape the fate of sickness that might have fallen on one of them and came to a halt.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Evidence said he was weak and tired, but he refused to believe so, he was just sore it all. Well that was what he told himself. He looked down to the girl in his arms with a pang of guilt knowing it was his fault to their current situation. If only he had never asked her to come, then she wouldn't have to suffer now as he was...

She rested in his arms, her fingers grasped tightly in his shirt. Her small nails were painted pink and her nipped finger tips were a vicious red from the cold. As were her fingers, her cheeks were a deep rosy color coming from the harsh treatment. The once light bouncy pink hair was now a dark pink and was thick and heavy from all the pure sweet rain tumbling down it. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Her usual green orbs were closed and burrowed in a tight brow every once in a while when she moaned. He looked down to the large gash on her side, which was wide and open for the rain to fall and mix in with the red elixir emanating from it. The cut still held the stunning powder in it and he knew that if he didn't hurry, his capaninon would surly die into the rainy night. Her red outfit was now maroon, and from the rain or the blood, he did not know. Her tight black shorts made a slick noise when it rubbed up against his arm and often made him lose his grip; thus he wondered how far he was able to carry her without dropping down to the ground. White designs that once decorated her suit was now a faded muddy brown and her headband was the only thing that still had its once purity shine.

The boy stopped on a branch and tried to catch his breath but he could still hear the faint violent yells and shouts of the coming party. If they found him and the girl he was sure that would be the tragic end. He grimaced as he felt the star still deep into his back flinch when the weight of the girl moved from his left arm to his right. Drip, drip, drip, drip. She wasn't heavy, but he was just in a off mood of fatigue. Or so he said. (He would never admit weakness... never.)

The lighting told the story of the boy though; while the rain was the story teller of the girl, and shone in the void of black motion. His eyes were as dark as coal and the seeping venom itself. His spiky hair was now drenched down in the wet passy movement. The blue shirt was a dark navy in the night and his white pants came out in the end a murky cream with spots of yellow. Bandages covering his legs came lose and fell to the puddles with spanding ripples. He grunted with pain but the voices got louder and he had to carry on.

Making a quick sweep to the next branch he made it but his foot caught in the leaves and twigs. Imagine his total surprise: he fell. The girl in his arms tumbled with him, her pink tresses falling back to show the scars on her face. He wrapped his arms around her to break her fall. It was his fault and he should be the one to pay with his life, not her. His honor told him and he listened... but his legs didn't.

With a last effort to live, he made a twirling exercise and his feet came out underneath him. They hit the ground with a sickening thud. The leaves shook from their hold and the raindrops fell with them. Death was what crossed his mind, but fate had other maps marked. Still in his arms, the girl was out cold. His eyes softened, their hardness not longer a valid option. Life was precious... She slept on and didn't even notice her life was coming to a close; whether by his recklessness or the enemy's hand. The voices coming from behind drew closer and he knew that he had to move. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to take more jumps through the still air. Animal-like noises echoed and black figures drew across the trunk of the ancient trees and small bushes and herbs. Drip, drip, drip, drip...

To his left, he noticed the large oak's roots came up to rise over the land. They twisted and turned in the dirt, now mud, and made a small sort of 'hut' figure. When he heard one call his name, Uchiha, he knew he had to go. He gingerly picked up the girl and sloshed his way over to the tent. He hissed when a branch falling from above hit his back, but he kept on going. The splashes trickled and gave the forest life. The flowers at the edge opened and released their perfume and distinct vibrant scents. Lilies came out to play and fireflies light their flames from their resting hold into the holes and dents of leaves, branches, and twigs. Stars came out in between the gray clouds and the moon shone marking the path for the fallen Uchiha.

When he reached the hold of tree, his knees gave way. They came crashing down into the mud, he slipped sideways with the girl and laid down. How good it felt to rest aside into the pitter pattering rain! His eyes grew warily tired and heavy. He fought for dominance, but in the end, he lost. He gave up and the lids plowed over the dark hues. Either way, he didn't care if that was the last time he opened them. His last sight? The sleeping girl who rested inches away from his face.

Drip, drip, drip, drip. Her chapped lips open to a slight 'o', and her nose bunched up. The waves of hair came within his grasp and he held onto one. Her hand enclosed in his and the eyes? The eyes! Her eyes were open and looked at him. He smirked and said, "Weakling," and his eyes close with the blurry vision of a angel. His smirk still placed upon his face. The soft sensation of the rain was the only noise heard deep into the night...

Drip, drop, drip, drop . . .

Author's Notes: If anyone at all is reading this and decides to leave a comment, please do not flame! I might break. ;_;

Part I of III - Naruto. Can you guess the pairing? Easy enough. A first for me as well. {THIS IS THE UN-EDITED VERSION! KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED FOR THE EDITED ONE!}

Also, worked at the trade show. It was freaking harsh. I will never, ever make fun of the people at McDonalds AGAIN! Well, it wasn't like I ever did...

[Thirsty for Souls; The Never Ending Burn in My Throat]

2007-03-10T03:27:15Z

We went to go visit Michael today, but I'm sad to say that I'm still mad at him. All mother and father did was cry. Everyone cried. Except for me. I merely stood on the sidelines and watched as they all looked upon him. But I did my best, so I guess that had to count for something, right? I hope so...

Alas, I'm still bored and still depressed. Shoot. LoL. But on to bigger and better things;

Title: Simply Rain Simply Tears
Author: my_stained_lips
Summary: She only wanted to be loved, but she got something else in return for all her sins.
Pairing: Inuyasha/Kagome
Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi.
Author's Notes: I forget why I wrote this. It still amazes me and more or less, it still makes me embarrassed. Heh. I dunno. How old was I? Oh, about 14, newly 15? Hmm. Somewhere around there. Well, I guess I matured ~~aged~~ *ahem* a lot in the past year. Um... Nah! I think I just grew older. Part III should be out soon; I'm depressed enough to be working on these again... That is so sad! -_-;

(So sorry for any spelling errors; I caught most of them, but some happened to get away with a speeding ticket. Heh.)

Simply Rain... Simply Tears

Chapter 2: Simply Pain... Simply Angst

[Re-Cap:]

[To see the first part, click here: Simply Rain Simply Tears Chapter 1]

Inuyasha... you bastard... I hate you... Like the simple rain... and the simple tears... tears that stain my face and hit the backs of my hands...

The darkness left me... as did you... once long ago... Once long ago, you loved me... as I did you... Hate to say it, but... I still love you...

So there stood Kagome and Inuyasha under the growing light and fading darkness. Arms in arms. Embrace. A painful embrace that had resurfaced the angsty past. Bringing the shards of dreams and bloody glass back into place. Nipped fingers pushed and pulled the pieces back into the broken frame.

Glass with cool blood red liquid covering the awful nightmares and letting the dreams through. Light falling upon the fallen angel, who screamed in agony of the sheering pain of re-growing wings. Black feathers fly, bleached pure white in color.

Out from the clouds peeked a sky so blue. Clouds so fluffy and puffy and lingering lies on the horizon make this picture so sweet. A bittersweet taste. So sweet, yet so bitter. That is the taste you get when you mix chocolate and honey together. A bittersweet ending? Or a bittersweet beginning?

"Inuyasha," she sobbed into his shoulder, "Why?" She needed to know. Was he foolin'? Or was he being true? Was he or was he not? She needed, longed, hoped for him to be true to her.

He didn't answer, but instead looked deep into her eyes and then leaned forward placing a kiss upon her pale lips. She shook and trembled only to relax deep into the kiss. Her heart was saying yes. Yes, kiss him. You love him. He loves you. Do you not remember all those kisses under the moonlit sky? Those passionate embraces? The words fresh on lips? The three words your heart longed to hear? If that was not love, then tell me what love is? Tell me. I, you, need to know. What is love?

Is love just another word that has useless meaning? A word full of lies and trash? A empty meaningless word that does not hold truth nor loyalty. It that what love is? Or is love something great? Something two people share? Sharing that does not involve words. Words that can heal the scars of the heart. Words that can make you happy? Or is it neither... She did not know. But then again what did she know?

But another part, deep into the darkness of her soul, was screaming no. No! He betray you! He left you! Leave him as he did you! Walk away! Walk away! Leave! Hurt him as he did you! Love is just a dream for fools who cannot make it. Love is simply used to manipulate and twist and bend people to other's sick desires. Their sick desires to hurt others and make then bow to the master of the game. Like a puppet. Controlled and used, tossed and burned. A puppet.

Kagome opened her eyes so see Inuyasha's closed eyes. He was so deep into the kiss, he hadn't realized that she had stopped on her part. She just stood, letting him do all the work. All the work. All the work in love. Love. Was this love? Or was it a big game of revenge? Revenge. Revenge screamed out against love. Love couldn't fight back. And so revenge's scream grew louder. And it won.

Kagome began to kiss again. This time getting hot. She teased him with her tongue, with her hands tangling in his hair. She wanted him to know what love is, then to have it ripped from your tender flesh. To hurt and scream in pain and have angst fill you. Simply pain and simply angst. That's all it was. Pure and beautiful angst and pain. Embrace it. Hold it.

The moans from her throat were not part of the plan though, as she realized she wanted this too. She wanted to kiss him, and hold him. She wanted to grow old and die with him. For since the beginning, that was all she ever wanted. To be with him. Stopping, she pulled back. Back outta his reach, back outta his embrace. She did want this, but not like this.

"Inuyasha," she said, "I can't. You hurt me too many times just for me to go on pretending like it never happened. It did. It did happen. And so now it haunts me. It says that I can't be with you. Revenge is in the human blood. And so it calls out and is taking its course. Running through my veins. Poisoning me. Blinding me to your love. I do love you, but it can't happen. You love Kikyou. She loves you. I love you. Our love cannot exist in a triangle. It has to be a perfect circle. A circle that connects me to you. You to her. She to you. And you must decided who you wish to share the circle with. Kikyou. Or me."

"Kagome," he stuttered, "I love you,"

"How can that be! You love me or her! Choose! Do you know how hard it is to let someone go! To think of them day by day and know that they are holding another? That they are kissing and loving another? To have to forget them-"

"Like it never happened," he finished for her, "Kagome. I did love you. I always have and always will. I love the way you scold me, I love the way you laugh with me. I love the way your eyes shine when you are happy, the way you bit your lip when you are nervous, the way you wring your hands when you are afraid, the way you kiss when you need me, the way you smile when you sleep, the way-"

"Inuyasha!" she said shaking her head from side to side, her hair swinging in the wind, "Stop! Stop! Stop it! Don't! This love cannot happen! It shouldn't! We need to stop before things get outta hand! Inuyasha don't!"

"Kagome! I want you! I need you, I love you! Why can't you believe me when I say this? Do you know how much it hurts not to be able to have you! It burns! Burns from the inside out! I want you Kagome! I want you and none other! Believe me! Please! You have got to! Kikyou means nothing to me! I swear! She betrayed me just like...like I did you. I'm sorry Kagome! how many times do I have to say it for you to believe me? Tell me! I'll do it!"

"Inuyasha," so he did know what pain was. He knew what it felt like to be casted away like a broken tool. For that's what they all were in the end. A broken tool. A puppet. For in the end, love did not conquer all...

xXx

Watching from the shadows, stood a lone figure clutching a bag tight. Kikyou. She saw everything. So this was betrayal?

"Inuyasha, how could you?" she sobbed and walked off...

It this betrayal? Is this hurt? Is this pain? But more importantly,

Is this Love?

Inuyasha...DIE.

-END CHAPTER 2-

Depressed enough? NEVER! A Lovely Complex deleted her stories! OMFG! Yeah, her "name" is fkas. OMFG! I SO TOTALLY LOVED [A FINE LINE] AND SHE WENT AND DELETED IT? WTF?! I was in and out of love with that story! I wonder... she already had all the plots written out, so I wonder. Of course, she deleted ALL her fanfiction, even @ A Single Spark: A Kagome Sesshoumaru Site, and her profiles too. Shame. Waste. Well, I'm at lost... ;_; She was my hero and one of my favs. Well, I'll mourn over my loss. Weep ;_; some more...

[My Fingertips Are Cold. My Heart is Cold. My Heart Lies Behind My Black Nails]

2007-03-09T05:18:34Z

Ugh. I'm still mourning over my losses. I've gotten no gains, so I guess it only seems natural to be like this.

Well, I'm still counting my curses; Monday will be shitty. LoL. It will only be me, Anni, and Ashley at school; the rest will be leaving to Jazz Band festival. I'm falling deeper into the hell hole of Solitude. Only my emotions can prove that. I seem to grow more and more distant over the whole situation. I dunno why I'll letting all my depression spill out now; and take it, look at me! Damnit. I've become a nervous reck. I need rehab. LoL. I kid. Well there is really nothing going on lately. I'm bored as ever; the way I never wanted to spend SPRING BREAK.

Since I am severly down right about now, I took the honor of looking around to finding sometime to do for myself. Heh. Let me tell you; not much at all. But I did find boonies and her witty journal. I swear; sometimes you can smell her humor a mile away. XD I had a heart attack reading this:

[NOTE!] If you do know boonies, then beware her humor and comments. The following link implies slash, as in male/male relationships. Just amusing, but if you do know like that stuff, leave. I just needed sometime to peel me off the floor. ^^

Sam & Dean Slash - Very Funny - From boonies Go fig. LoL!

Aw, that was freaking funny. I HAD to laugh. But let's move on...

My ears are starting to hurt from my loud family too. I'm about ready to tear my ears off and eat them [I think I will soon too]. LoL. And all I've got to ask, is "Why am I so depressed all the time?!" ARGH! But I felt better when I read Wife Contest [Naruto]: A Sakura/Sasuke Fic. Sometimes preverted and yet, oddly refreshing. Later.

[So Alone, So Cold, and Still Dead]

2007-03-07T12:18:38Z

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so ALONE! *cries* I swear, my mood isn't getting better, it's getting worse! All damn day I've moaned and staggered around trying to plaster that painful smile back to my face. So far, it's not working! Argh! I mean, what the hell did I do to deserve this? All fucking day everyone else is telling me their problems, and when I start on mine to vent, they shun me and say I (?!!) complain too much?! WTF? WFT? WTFWTFWTFWTF?

Top 20 Things to Do (That I Still Haven't Done)

1.) ~~Finish writing/drafts of 4 base English poems, complete with at least 4 backdrops.~~

2.) ~~Finish that damn worksheet from Bio class and turn in by day classes.~~

3.) ~~Bake those cookies for [WTC] and [AGR] and hand them into Mrs. Kurger on the way to Locker.~~

4.) ~~Get the BattleCry slip filled out and give to Courtney.~~ And pack for trip.

5.) Prepare for the Trade Show on March 8-9. DONATE! And COOK!

6.) Finish Art Class projects and drawing drafts. Clay projects all due by Wednesday before Winter Break.

7.) CELEBRATE WINTER BREAK!

8.) Fix scanner and set the account to new user name.

9.) Finish writing plots/stories. At least post something new on names.

10.) Read more TWILIGHT/NEW MOON FanFiction! RELAX! BREATH!

11.) Earn money to go use scanner at Library if not fixed.

12.) BREATH! BREATH! And fix the layout of the "Electic" setting.

13.) Finish having the convers. (aka chat/forum) with Courtney and Ashley. Give Answer!

14.) Try not to forget anything. And re-write the new setting document on the re-run on List. That last one lacked.

15.) QUIT HAVING A SPAZZ OVER COURTNEY! SHE ISN'T WORTH IT! NOOOO! EVEN IF SHE LIES!!!

16.) Quit having a meltdown. Quit having a meltdown. No more stress! Too many white hairs. Doesn't look good w/black hair.

17.) Finish the outline for drafts and newest paintings.

18.) Finish the watercolor art of houses within due date from return on Winter Break.

19.) Spend more time talking to Amanda! Been cutting on MSN. Not good.

20.) Wash clothes and straighten up. I probably won't have time to, but make hair curly. At least take the frizz.

Top 10 New Damn Things That I Have To Do

1.) Get a new life. Get new friends. Get new school and new pair of jeans. Last one ripped.

2.) Hibernate for a few more hours tomorrow. Use Sissy's pillow, big blanket, and books. Read #8, rinse, and repeat.

3.) Get over the flu bug. That and carry around more pocket tissue for runny nose. My health is almost over the hill!

4.) Curl up with a blanket, New Moon, and more fanfiction. Horray! Lea's custom cure to flu days sick from school! YAY!

5.) Take back Library books and try hardest to do book report this year on Twilight. Perhaps, no, more likely NOT.

6.) Try and stiffle TWILIGHT/NEW MOON addiction buy purchasing books near me. I'm getting too jealous when I see someone else with the books from the Library; it annoys me to no fucking end. That, and I have a burning sensation; I want it all to myself. I dunno why, but yeah. I don't share.

7.) Have a good day tomorrow which is impossible, but I still want to try. After all; 4 days from civilization! OMFG! I might lose what little people skills that I have managed to keep this few years. Boo. You whore!

8.) GET MORE SLEEP! HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON 5 TIMES TOMORROW MORNING. AND THEN RUN AROUND LATE. (Repeat as often as needed.)

9.) Feel free to SPAZ over the mother's side of the fucked up family tree. The asses are saying shit to me again.

10.) Go buy more Black Cherry Vanilla Coke/Dr. Pepper. And stock up on the sugar.

~[Note to self: Buy more Easy-Mac. You ate the last package yesterday after school cause lunch was still alive.]

~[Another note: hurry and drink those "UPSHOT ENERGY DRINKS in the fridge. That is what they are for after all, and with my low tolerance, they are bound to work no matter what or whom I manage to drunken with me. BTW, steal Hachi's smokes in her book bag and destroy. Lung cancer; like she doesn't have it already.]

BTW, I asked that Vampire at Southern Mansion (from last post) to bite me... He told me that I couldn't handle forever. But that doesn't mean I won't tempt him into it. If he leaves, I can always coax him back into my life (easily) if he even dares to try and leave. I also said last post: [I wish he would hurry and bite me to give me the rest of eternity to bitch about how I don't have enough time on hand.] Yeah. I guess I still wouldn't have enough time on hand to bitch and complain about. I'm that bitter. On the other hand though; I'm starting to look like a Native American Vampire from the Tepee's Village. LoL. I'm still sickly pale.

Yeah. We all claim to have them; friends. But are they really your "friends?" or are they mere using you into pulling shit in life? According to my adversary, Deep David, "friends" are not all that they make out to believe. Really... my life is shitty. Sometimes, they make my life shitter. LoL.

I always wanted to plot revenge against them, but someone I know and respected said that I was young and time would take care of the rest. Shit. I respect that and that alone is the only thing holding me back. But really... I don't believe I have one true honest friend (besides Anni) that I really trust and never doubt. But then again, I still hold the grudges. They say they love me, but when the look at me like thatm I can see that they are just saying things. The eyes truly are the windows to the soul. But note!

I love you Shay, Kira, Courn, Ashley, Hachi, Prune, Leeny (yes, even you), Cari, Beth, Shonna, and others I come to know. Even if you betray me and leave me alone to rot, I will still love you and stay loyal to you like the ways its suppose to be. To Anni, thank you for everything you have done for me thus far. I will still kiss the ground you walk on even if it was several hours ago; it proves how much I am willing to do for you and love you. I do love you.

Another note; I'm going to Michigan! HELL YEAH BABY! Well not exactly for "visiting" purposes. Battle Cry. If you know what that is; something having to do with the Churches and religion. I'm not really with the Church, but I'm going for all the INDIANS out there! *waves arms around* LoL. Yeah. Perhaps, if you are going, you'll see me; sickly pale looking Native American with purples (bruises) shadows under the eyes. I'll probably be wearing jeans and a hoodie the first day and slacks and a dress shirt on the second day just to look nice and presentable in front of a large crowd of strangers that I don't even know. But maybe, something BIG will happen. But then again... I have bad karma. If anyone is going, please don't count on finding me; I might not even get to come if this flu keeps up. Big concert with P.O.D., Hawk Nelson, Flyleaf and more. I'm going to get Flylead's auto and say hello. And then take off to go see the Great Lakes. I never been out of the bagoons before. Shit. LoL. I like in South Dakota in a Village here people! I'm excited to go and see where the hell the world will take me. I mean, this was sad; I was excited to go see Lincoln, Nebraska. That is just so pitiful. LoL. BTW, I joined the lj community called ne_anime_club cause that is where I go to spend the summers and sometimes weekends. My grandmother lives around in there.

WTC was around. LoL. Once more was I hanging around Locker #167 and complainning about the rights of a flute and clarinet, piano to the judges and music teachers. We too can Jazz Band, damn straight! I brought cookies, the peanut butter ones cause the now-dubbed "double choco-chip cookies" looked alive, and I very much have my doubts that I will get the pan back that I brought them in.

Kira kept teasing me that Tory was my enemy after I ran into in the Home Ec. room. She still thinks, or at least likes to think, that I like Daniel, and want him, so his girlfriend; Tory, is now my enemy. Wow. The rambles of a high school girl. Bet you didn't see that one coming. I know! I don't let off as some short of high school wanna be pimp or pimpet. LoL. I'm the label of quiet, shy artist/writer. Nope. Not at all. I'm the "once-was-a-formally-known-wild-and-crazy troublesome-Native American-teen-who-used-to-raise-hell-back-at-her-old-school." Yup. Me in a nutshell. Actually, I don't think the population even knows the real me here at this new school. Boo.

News on Lady-in-Spandex: For all you hot Lady-in-Spandex fans; let us know: HE WAS FREAKING AT SCHOOL TODAY! HORRAY!

I'm going to hibernate. Later losers. :D

[Ah Yes, I DO Know That Feeling!]

2007-03-06T06:02:20Z

In response to demonic_kisses: Ah, yes my thoughts exactly; I DO know that feeling. That feeling of utter and totally crap-iness and self-pity. Aw, yeah well, I'm back on 'net from the Library and I'm doing fine. We've just got down watching (John Tucker Must DIE) and in response, (Edward Cullen Must DIE). LoL. But I've gotten so many ~~worthless~~ things to do! And no time for me! ME! ME! ME! ME! I know... selfish. [Do I Dazzle You?]

Top 20 Things to Do

1.) Finish writing/drafts of 4 base English poems, complete with at least 4 backdrops.

2.) Finish that damn worksheet from Bio class and turn in by day classes.

3.) Bake those cookies for [WTC] and [AGR] and hand them into Mrs. Kurger on the way to Locker.

4.) Get the BattleCry slip filled out and give to Courtney. And pack for trip.

5.) Prepare for the Trade Show on March 8-9. DONATE! And COOK!

6.) Finish Art Class projects and drawing drafts. Clay projects all due by Wednesday before Winter Break.

7.) CELEBRATE WINTER BREAK!

8.) Fix scanner and set the account to new user name.

9.) Finish writing plots/stories. At least post something new on names.

10.) Read more TWILIGHT/NEW MOON FanFiction! RELAX! BREATH!

11.) Earn money to go use scanner at Library if not fixed.

12.) BREATH! BREATH! And fix the layout of the "Electic" setting.

13.) Finish having the convers. (aka chat/forum) with Courtney and Ashley. Give Answer!

14.) Try not to forget anything. And re-write the new setting document on the re-run on List. That last one lacked.

15.) QUIT HAVING A SPAZZ OVER COURTNEY! SHE ISN'T WORTH IT! NOOOO!

16.) Quit having a meltdown. Quit having a meltdown. No more stress! Too many white hairs. Doesn't look good w/black hair.

17.) Finish the outline for drafts and newest paintings.

18.) Finish the watercolor art of houses within due date from return on Winter Break.

19.) Spend more time talking to Amanda! Been cutting on MSN. Not good.

20.) Wash clothes and straighten up. I probably won't have time to, but make hair curly. At least take the frizz.

And when is this all due? Well... sometime before Wednesday and some due Tuesday. God... I have no LIFE! I need to get out more. I still look sick and I still look tired; those purple shadows under my eyes are looking like ~~permanet~~ bruises. And I did go out with Kira today. Came out of my "hole." Need more sun; I look almost too (sickly) pale in the sun. I'm suppose to be Native American. I look like an Albino. No offense.

And I need to quit panicking! Ah! This is where all those damn white hairs come from! That and I can't burn the cookies; which I will and have ugly cookies. That and get my homework done! I AM SUCH A EFFING SCATTERBRAIN!!!! AHHH!!! o_O Ah, yeah. I have really ugly looking cookies. UGLY! My cookies are UGLY! I'm in shame next to Mary and Kruger. Shit.

But I guess in reality; I am the most selfish person alive, eh Kira? Yeah. That and I run away from my shadow (~~I think it stalks me!~~) and I have shallow feelings for the vampire who lives in the mansion on south maple. I wish he would hurry and bite me to give me the rest of eternity to bitch about how I don't have enough time on hand. That would truly be the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me... well, besides Anni who bought me V-Day suckers and gave me a rose! THANK YOU!

Ah yeah, well what else? I'm sitting here waiting for the chocolate chip cookies to hurry and bake so I can put in the peanut butter cookies. Yeah, they don't even look like chocolate chip cookies. They look like double double choco-chip. Yeah. And while I'm doing that, I'm having a breathing attack. Shoot. Um... school will suck tomorrow. All the schools are coming to this small and pitiful village for something called WTC. If you know what I'm talking about, email me and we'll see if you can find me in the sea of despair. Name the state, town, and school. While you're there, ask for someone named; Lea (Lee), Beral, Disco, Red or even Darrell. You'll find me. Or course, my name is Lea, but not all the student body knows that. They call me red 'cause of my matching red P.E. outfit. -_-; How pitiful... But find me first period hanging around in the hallways around locker #167 and most likely complaining to the music teacher about flutes and their rights as an intrument more than classical and "sweets" as we name them.

{Flutes deserve the right here to be a jazz band instrument as well! We work our asses off just as hard as the trumpets at this school and all we catch is shit and the telling of, "Flutes are not important! Neither are clarinets and piano!"}

And we went to Career Day. I was majoring in the Arts Division and couldn't help but think, "What if I fail in life? Will I die early and commit suicide?" Yeah. Plus, our bus broke down and we had to wait all freaking hot damn day in the blistering sun before we protested and saw fit to sit in the PIT! YES! ANTI RULES! We finally came home and got out of school around 3:15 which we were suppose to be home by 2:30. LoL. I saw my enemy behind lines (more like the boy's locker room) and came out with a disgusted look of sheer hatred and bitter resentment. >_< I hate life.

New banner:

Hahaha! And then I fixed Trent's monkey poem. It was cool. But then it was just sad... I can't even fix my own! Now let's move onto my chat/forum on the bulletin board topic discussion today, shall we?

So lets get the forum of Ashley/Lea/Courtney on!

Question #1: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Courtney: No.

(At the same time as Courtney) Ashley: Yes.

Courtney: Why? *raises eyebrows and looks at Ashley funny*

Ashley: Because . . . um *pauses and takes a breath* I can't explain it. *blushes and murmers* You go Courtney.

Courn (Courtney): No. I don't think that love exists at first sight. I, mean, you don't even know the person! So how can love exist at first sight?

Ashley: I dunno... *looks at Lea* You go Lea. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Lea: No. I don't believe in love at all. I can respect the whole "soul mates" thing, but I don't believe that you can connect with someone at first site. And if so, that is a extremely rare case.

Courn: Right on! *thumbs up!*

Lea: (continues) And if it is "love at first sight," then I believe that it is merely physical attraction (lust) rather than love. I can respect other's wishes, but this is what I believe.

Courn: I agree.

Lea: End of convers! Next! *waves hands away like "shooing" motion!*

Join us next week to discuss the object of affection; love! What is the perfect soul-mate like?!

Later Dudes. Life sucks road trips, you never know when you'll get sick and tired of it.

[GoodBye Memories And Hello Harsh Reality]

2007-02-26T05:00:10Z

I Haven't Forgotten Yet . . . And I Don't Intend To Either

I've gotten bad news. Currently, my Internet bill is failing out here in the middle of no where. Yeah. So, like, that means I can't be getting on except for the time I go to the Library, which sucks for you only get 45 min. online time. Well, the problem is the fact that I have to leave and be gone for the rest of the year.

And its driving me crazy for I am reading a lot of fanfiction and I am so flippin' addicted to it and can't imagine my life without it. It is so freaking killing me! I am like a Internet Addict. LoL. I am so going to miss all the TWILIGHT/NEW MOON BELLA/EDWARD ADDICTS, and all of the WOUNDERFUL SESSKAG STORIES out there. I mean it! *SOB* But note that I WILL BE BACK! I think my last day online is Wed. Feb. 28 or somewhere around there.

And so, as the closing of my school journal and such, I'd like to have a grand closing. Haha. My fandom journal hasn't even been started so I can't do a thing there, but I can do something here. We've got 2 original posts here and a SessKag fandom. But the fandom will NOT be posted due to edits and revisions. But there is a SessKag fandom below. Or else friend my_stained_lips for more info. Well, thanks, enjoy the terror. Later, goodluck, and see you sometime next week/month/year!

Title: Walking Over Graves Of Soil And Flowers
Author: a_beloved_sin
Summary: I could hear the dried and dead grass crumble into nothing under my feet. And yet . . . I haven't forgotten.
Written For: English II/Original Post
Genre: Angst/General//Damn Drama
Rating: PG-13 [Lang/Metaphors/Poety/Personification/Parellelism]
Theme: Death, Dark, Blood (Implied Vampires/Nightmares)
Warnings: Written in deep-sea depression.
Disclaimer: Lea. Me. Mine. I and I alone.

Author's Notes: Dramatic, lonely, and tangled. Only I could ever love something this sadistic-ly sweet! This most certainly is another English II reject written for the theme of a failed personification/parellelism, week #2 1/2. Another original posting [like Counter].

Yeah, that and . . . I am so not in Kansas anymore. (Sorry if there are any mistakes; I'm too lazy to go back and edit it. Besides, A Thousand Miles is sounding pretty good about now. That and my chocolate chip ice cream and Dr. Pepper drink are tempting me with horror smiles. God, I hate it!)

WALKING OVER GRAVES OF SOIL AND FLOWERS
BY a_beloved_sin AKA Lea ;)

oOo

I was beginning to enjoy the solitude and rather not the crave for a companion. I was used to it . . . and in a strange and so totally twisted way of thinking outlooks of life . . . I think it enjoyed it too. Yes. We enjoyed it. We only took and took, but we also gave something back in return. Sometimes, we gave more.

It was the bargin, and it was my price to pay. I enjoyed every minute of it; every single ticking pass of the clock, I enjoyed it.

The days grew exceptionally colder. Often, the winds would howl and even the small snowflakes of white fluff were hard and stiff as they were amongst the perils of the breeze. I could see my chilly breath as it rolled out in waves to appear in front of my pale cheeks. And even not the hottest of the chocolate was settling well within me; and by far had already cooled and was in icy chips swirling around in the foam cup.

It was different, and I had changed too. My childish demeanor had long perished and wore away as my innocence was tainted and pitch black. My eyes had long lost their warm and earthy brown in exchange for a hard and honor blood red. My long straight hair had dropped the shine and gleam for a more dark and cury wave that hushed the whispers that dared to lip out. Fingers once short and nail-rid were now long talons dipped in the blood of many and mine. All my past scars and emotional hurts were erased and all I could recall was the embaressment of being a foolish little girl asking for a kiss when not wanted around. But now . . . I was more than that. I was stronger and I could easily get what I wanted when I wanted. I liked it. I had time, and I had fate on my side. The night was mine and the dawns bloody set carved my name is bold. I laughed as the time drew near.

She was so beautiful as a child

Ever so sweet and timid with manners like a good little girl

It was far from night, yet the sun was still low lingering upon the horizon with a even more chill to its outcasted shadow. The twilight was now falling I realized as I witnessed the eve turn to ash and dust. I knew that everything would be placed under a spell and that they would come out to hunt. They always hunted nowadays. It was the only time that they could come out and be themselves and give in to the monster within. The thing within me at the very moment. It was inevitable; they would be here for me any time soon now. Anytime. And like a dog, I would wait for them in the cold.

Winter. I once did not like winter. Everything fell to its seemingly icy hold and grip as it lay rest to lie naked to the bare eye and drifted in a slumer so deep. It was all dead and its death was so silent and beautiful. I did not dare to even think of speaking let alone whispering in mocking hopes to bring the profile out of its spell and cast it witness to look upon what it was becoming in the near dawns.

[But now . . . I adored the icicle and I welcomed the smog and smut of icy bitterness and self pity. I loved it, and now I have come to hated everything I once stood for as growing in solitude and submission; spring.]

The black waters of the lakes came to wallow in waves as it rushed in little waves upon the surface of the mirror, and I found myself intraced by the simple beauty of its bleak sight. I did not wish to disturb the weighing balance that the world had settled into, so I stayed silent and still as I still walked with dampened spirits and low heavy drowning hopes. The forest was so quiet, and I longed for a screaming plea.

So I kept walking deep into the empty forest to witness my rebirthing as it came. I would drink and be anew once more.

But time passed and fairy tales lied

The reflection of the mirror was not made to be

I walked down the lonely lines and neat tucked rows of straight hedges and perfect cut trims. I could hear the dried and dead leaves that had been left from fall crumble into nothing under my feet as I walked upon them with ease throughout the cementary. It was not suppose to be this easy was it? I wondered as I silently sobbed with the pained effort of the required thinking on my behalf and wondered why we were all just so fucked up.

I could hear the blood pounding under the thin sheen layer of skin that my hand had formed into. It pulsed angrily and I found that my nails had indeed bleed and ran down my long, slender fingers to meet and melt with the fresh batch of snow. I watched as it slowly sunk into leave a imprint and hiss a tad when the hot blood finally cooled with a wisp of smoke and powder. And slowly, the pain began to build and grow like any other, but this time; the pain was simmering cold and cool to the touch. I thought it would stop after a while . . .

But then pain would not stop. The overwhelming flooding sensation of raw burning passion erupted over the lid only to fall and scorn everything with its heated feverish touch. But such sweet release it became as I felt the surge of icy air blow into my face and smoother the flaming passions of my own hidden desires and sins. Such act was a forbidden. I was forsaken, but what did it matter? There was no such thing as Heaven . . . well, at least for me.

I came to like the pain, and I can to love the bloody rust. I smirked walking over the other slain. And deep within me, my dying heart gave a final pound as I walked over the plastic flowers and crunched them under the toe of my boot in the lone grave. At long last, I had found it too. There, futher past any headstone before me in the wide spread of the open was perched upon a small rise; a empty grave, a hollow grave, a ironic grave. My grave.

And together we read along what the marker had indicated to bring.

And then one day they woke to find

That the perfect girl had lost her mind . . .

Once upon a time I was young and in love. I learned kindness and caring and I wallowing the basking sun rays of silver and gold gleam. I laughed and I sung when I was in complete bliss. Grades of schooling were fine and my life was in balance and harmony. I had friends and I had clothes, money, shoes and everything that I could have ever asked for in a lifetime of rich wellbeing.

I thought I was freed from the curse of the Moon and I thought that it was all put behind me as I walked into the skies of dusk. But it caught me; the curse ran its course in my veins of blood and smoking despair. And then it happened.

Everything fell apart piece by piece and tear by tear. Holes began to cover my soul and I fell behind in studies with below average marks. I didn't smile and I was constantly tired and ill. My friends had long abondoned me in favor of the new girls, and the teachers just stopped asking what was wong; my voice grew dim and I didn't sing. I didn't even talk anymore. I became mute. Hot wet tears ran down my red coughing cheeks at night to hit the dirty pillow and my lips was stained with red from the constant biting when not satsifyed about something.

I grew more sick and ill each day as I passed in and out of my state of mind. I was seemingly lost to everything that had once existed around me. But the truth was . . . I didn't exist anymore. I had long ago died with the brush of his sweet fangs against my temple as he murmed words of temptation of the dark side, and I let him. I let him drink from my blood and I let the immortality sink into my veins as he happily swallowed my poison in my veins. And when I was dry, he hugged me and made me his.

And so, I looked to the grave that read my name in blood red engravings. Under my boots lay the wilted roses that was upon the snow that covered the grass which laid upon the soil and held within the coffin of a empty soul.

And more than ever, I was alive again. My rebirth was complete. Now . . . it was time to move on.

No, I haven't forgotten yet . . .

After all, I was once dead too . . . Once upon a time in the fluttering snows of twilight's eve, I was dead too.

Title: Surface
Author: a_beloved_sin
Summary: I looked to the waters edge and seen her . . . on the surface.
Written For: English II/Original Post
Genre: General/Damn Drama/Slight Angst
Rating: PG-13 [Lang/Metaphors/Failed Personification|Parellelism]
Theme: Water, Reflection, Otherworld
Warnings: Written in deep-sea depression.
Disclaimer: If you take this one, I really don't care.

Author's Notes: Sorry for any mistakes. Also, this was a English II type-up that I produced when I was walking home from school . . . and went past the park's huge puddles. Another English II drabbled reject. Main idea is that the narrator is the reflection; not the other way around.

SURFACE
BY a_beloved_sin AKA Lea ;)

oOo

The forest was all quiet and resting as the new snows came. Everything was dead on dead silence and eerie. Eyes casted darted back and forth, back and forth, all while murmering their still light mumbles about such. The sticks and grass of the forest floor were damp and wetted with the permit of the rains that had fallen and tumbled down to the earth. Fogs rolled in waves of white moist sheets and covered the lands in a sheet of tranquility.

And there she was; upon the surface of the water's mirror tracing the water with a long lazy finger, her lips in a delicate pout. Her eyes were closed upon the brush of her small round face as she gently hummed a lisp tune. Long curly pitch black hair was lounging upon the banks and ran to dribble into the liquid cool of the underbrush and swayed in time with the rhythm of the ripples. She was so . . . beautiful. So pure and sweet. I looked to her and could practically taste the rush of her running blood. So delious, so delightful. Ah, what a purity.

But she stopped her antics and rose to seat herself upward and stare up at me from where her location was on the water. Her small bowl shaped mouth was in a small pout as she figured the numbers and signs. I swore that I could watch her forever.

And then she stood where as I was still sitting, and I could of swore that my reflection was broke.

But, how?

Was I not her and she not me?

I looked to the water and saw that indeed she was in another world where I was not. Her world was peaceful and bright full of sun and trim. She could smile and laugh as she was in a small grin. The greenery was so lush and full with trees and such growing so tall toward the heavens.

And I looked to my world. The dead walked and the trees came to rot, the nightmares unleashed and the bitch of karma. The curses were upon my heels and I could taste their viles of breaths in the stale air toxin fumes. And I knew . . . that was not true. She ran on angry and I ran on fuel. How pitiful and utterly tragic I became with the realization hit me . . .

Another world. Another world beyond the surface of the water's rippling edge. Put your hand through and fell the other side. Feel the sun shine upon you and smile on your black sooty soul as you stain the grass with dying ashes of the dirtied and unalive. Crawl out like the nightmare that you are and witness the others with smiles vanish at the sight of you as you topple into the line of reality as you settle into the place that you want to call home. Watch as they scatter and scream when you merely want help, hear them call and shout horrid vile words of untamed fury and scream. And then? Watch her walk over with a out streched hand as she hits your forehead and gives it a small push to gather you back into your own world.

You fly back out and hit the dead earth again and hear the waves at your feet again. You look back to the other world's reflection and see them all crowd around again with wide eyes. And when they scatter, she walkes into the picture only to drop a large rock into the puddle.

When the splash and waves turn back into the small pushes and pulls, you see the large rock on your side of the portal thus blocking it.

After all, you were the reflection's dying curse and not she . . .

Why would she want you to come back and ruin all that she worked for only to have to start again?

Title: My Stained Lips
Author: my_stained_lips aka a_beloved_sin
Summary: I always thought of her as a stain on my lips, or even the disease in my life.
Written For: Inuyasha Fandom
Genre: Romance/General/Damn Drama/Slight Angst
Rating: M [Lang/Metaphors/Themes/Scenes/Situations]
Warnings: Sesshoumaru's POV. May be concidered OOC, but its really up to you to decided since we do not know what goes through his head or what he is thinking during the times.
Disclaimer: Inuyasha copyright Rumiko Takahashi.

Author's Notes: Sorry for any mistakes. Cut prelude/opening. Not a complete finished product. Also, this fic will be based entirely upon Sesshoumaru's POV, and since we do not know what the hell he is thinking, we, or rather I, will make up for that. All always prefer to go with Kagome's POV in a situation like this, and I was really hopeful for a more deeper side to his ideas. You may or may not consider this OOC, but that chance is entirely up to you to decided. I shall be posting more in the following months/years. Thanks to all for the support of this chapter!

Including; demonic_kisses, Skye Shiela, and NighttimeBreeze. Also the support of my friends on MySpace, MSN, LJ, and others. Thanks!

MY STAINED LIPS
BY a_beloved_sin AKA Lea ;)

oOo

The city was perfect in the normal view and perspective of a innocent bystander; absolutely perfect. The tall valient buildings and the delicate little layout for fine furnishings and such were all beautiful. Gardens and their many fragent flowers twinkled and sparkled as young love-struck couples walked along the lined paths with hands entwined and sweet kisses to the cheek. Fountains and small ponds gleamed under the warm sunlight and tiny goldfish swam with the quarters exchanged in false hopes for a wish. Bakers sold bread on the commoner's streets and the crepes man was wheeling his trolly up and down the avenue shouting out random names such as coco-nana, strawberry-mello and other odd names for flavors.

Lovely people walked in the lovely city and lovely buildings with lovely maginifcent arches and domes. All was lovely. Ladies in long pastel colored dresses, and petticoats with furs and scarves walked along with small umbrellas to vanquish the blinding light from their pale smooth skin. Their carried their frames tall and proud when walking and held in their small gloved hands a leash which lead a tiny dog or other as a poodle along the bothersome walks.

Men walked along in top hats and firm suits with cane in hand, their mustaches neatly trimmed and hair combed. They talked and said good morning to all those who they passed, and said to have a nice day as well following a wonderful evening. Children ran the streets in taliored outfits and small hats. Little girls carried silk porclien dolls and the boys laughed and hooted as they ran to the small river flowing through the city to play with their fine crafted boats in races against the wind and time. No doubt was their life sweet.

And planted in the middle of the city's clustered seperate standing, there sat a magnificent tower only meant for the greatest artists in the country. The white smooth marble and the coal black decor windows did not clash against the other tan and blue buildings, but complimented the articet of the constution and workers making all proud of their hard work. This is why Paris was a fine city. Very fine indeed.

And so once more upon the passing look of the large suit in the upper portion of the fair and breathtaking building, there sat a young man perched upon a stool (in the balcony) with a carcoal pencil in hand that was upon a sweating brow. Which was more stunning; as the man or the view, I cannot say, but there he sat as if waiting for something that only he was prior to knowing.

The long musclar legs that poked out from the stool's footing were covered in fine and smooth black material pants (slacks), and his white button down collar shirt was opened to reveil a fine psyhic, along with good toned abbs. Long brandishing silver hair was tied back with a small elastic band and ran down the arch of his strong back. Eyes were closed as he leaned into the wall of the building having long ago abandon the metal stool in favor of standing in the solace of the shade against the looming tower.

He was relaxed and complete as he merely stood here and inhaled the more icy airs of being upon the top portion of the suit rather than be stuffy and bothersome with heat. Soon, his figure went limp as he let his guard fall, and shoulders slump against the smooth support. But just as he stopped to rest quickly, he was at it again. Once more was the tall and broad man hunched over the large easel as his hand working with the stick of black to create a masterpiece. And once more was the world nonexistant in his eyes.

Not once did the outside world bother him at all as he fully concentrated on his obessesion. Giggling ladies below and madly barking mutts, grimacing "gents" and cars and whims; none of it mattered when he was in his own little world. None of it. But it mattered to them. So, since their wandering gazes could penitrate his line of work, all they could do was watch as his wrist flicked madly in a rushing scrawl over the paper to make something their snooty eyes could not see. He was a insane one he was. He was insane. Or at least they thought he was . . .

Broad, heavy strokes of the chishled tip carcoal pencil ran upon the smooth texture of the white paper. Fine lines and other small starting figments brought out the shading and the stitches binding the piece together. He panted in excitement as he rushed to bring the finishing product to life. He was so utterly hopeless with this particular muse. And he was at its grasping hold till it was all done and over with.

A small nicely shaped chin, and high defined cheekbones appeared with a natural stunning blush of pink. Nose as small and round as a button and lips as lush and full as the imaginer's dream came to the view of the large paper creating an attractive feature of the defined profile. Pale skin shone in the magistic protraying view as she seemingly danced with vigor upon the surface. Small soft hands with long tipped nails came up to entangle into the belonging person's long and curly hair that which fell around in mass waves. She was a beauty she was. She was a beauty.

But even if this was all in shades of non-color, one with eyes could see that indeed she was in color as she smiled. Something, though, something made her eyes stand out the most in this situation as he grew fusterated with his antics (It was not turning out properly!), but everyone already knew that he was extremely demanding and a perfectionist. Everyone.

Her eyes. They were so full of giving life and love as they sparkled like shadow in the photo. Her eyes . . . even in the colorless world of blacks, whites, and grays, one even knew then, that her eyes were so beautifully blue. Deepest blue and royal purple seemed to mix as the God's will was broke when people saw her eyes. Her eyes . . . there was no word to describe them! They were simply so marvelous! And hidden behind reaching lashes, the eyes clearly stated that she was happy at this fair scene.

It was now that the lads and ladies saw as the man's molten lava frames as they peered over the top of the drawing to see what the people were looking at. They were so cold and unforgiving as opposite to the woman's. But he merely frowned and turned back to look at what his blistering hands had strained over this time and blew stray hairs from his forehead. So sun connected with waters and the planet was in balance.

He was again sighing at the line of coal. He was obessed. And now that he was finished, the man dropped the now small and thin piece of carcoal to let it fall at his feet. He let his feet slip as he fell back upon the the stool and reached up with black hands to wipe his face, thus making smears of coal caress his cheek as it mixed with the sweat to stain his brow. His head once more fell back as if it was causing him a great deal of pain. He exhaled and just looked up at the world's skies cursing whomever up in heaven thought is funny for him to slave over a casual childhood friend and make him long for something that he could not have. He was too old to be throwing a fit, in fact, he was far too old to even be considered human anymore.

Taking the small glasses resting on his nose, and snaped them close before putting them into his pocket, he looked again as what he had done. The all too familar model was becoming deja vu all over again and he quickly decided that he needed a new hobby. So taking his stomach's advice to leave and up heave his morning's contents, he left and walked away leaving the portrait to yellow into the basking sun for he didn't care what happened to it anymore. (Or that was what he tried to tell himself . . .)

It was a girl. A female companion. A lost lover. A dear friend. A young girl with eyes pouring out to the open window as she smiled brightly to light the sulking taints and tired. Her left hair came up to wrap around a lock of hair that she was scattered around her crown as she lay upon the bed she was occupying and gave it a small tug. Her right hand came to modestly cover her breasts that peeked out from the sheets that had bound her, and she knotted her hand into their milky layer. And she smiled as she looked at something. She was young, beautful, and in love. Every girl's wish.

And in the coner, there was a name that spilled over the coner in the dust markings of the pencil. And it said, "Sesshoumaru Taisho."

Author's Summary: Based off of Cappie's Forgotten Wish. He was just another artist with the dream to live big. She was just another island beauty who "seduced" him. When he hurts her, she leaves and he wants to forget. Until they meet again in the big city of La Paris and New York.

Good Bye!

Love, Lea ;)

[Sometimes She Wonders if She is Doing the Right Thing - Is She?]

2007-02-24T08:18:43Z

Its been odd lately. Well . . . no, I've been odd. I feel almost old in a way.

Lately I've been feeling empty. Remorse. Self-imposed. Pity. Cold. Emotions. Raw. Burning. Pain. I dunno what to say except that it hurts and I feel like I am suppose to be waiting for something to happen. I told that to Anni and she smiled and told me to wait it out, but I'm growing impatient again. And I've gotten sick again. AGAIN! I was sick, what? Only last week? And now I'm sick again? That is seriously effed up.

I've been really upset ever since I've finished NEW MOON and I wonder what the hell is happening to me since I am falling apart. I can feel it in my bones and I can feel them crush and shatter. I can feel the fatique set in and drift in and out my blood.

And then I've decided something . . . I am willing to give up Inuyasha fandom for Twilight Fandom. I mean . . . Inuyasha has gone far and I haven't even begun. There is no hope for me, but there is hope for other such as Twilight. ^__~ But I'll still be around working with it; Black Diamonds, UNTAMED, Fallen Passions, Steal My Chaste Kisses, and others still have yet to be completed so there still is hope for those people. I mean, I actually get EXCITED when reading a new Twilight fanfic that I haven't. And a plus is the fact that Alphie is the best ever and I think I've subscribed to almost every single freaking Twilight C2. I've read like 12 stories today alone and eve deleted half of the saved documents of SessKag stories in turn for a nice Bella/Edward or a Alice/Jasper.

Okay, but still! That doesn't solve my problem of breaking and dying. I can feel the smoothering of my own passions. And I even felt like a hollow shell of something I once was. I mean, I felt like I had died earlier.

Ah shoot. Just forget it! I'm tired, it's late, I have purple shadows and bags under my eyes. I'm cold, and sick again. Its now 1:17 here in Middle Of No Where, and its Saturday here. The wind is blowing and I can hear the small little camper next to our house tumble. I need a pop. LoL. Sugar and sweet caffine. Later.

[We're All Tangled Up Inside]

2007-02-22T05:02:23Z

Yeah, because I'm such a lazy bum, I've got another beta/co-writer/friend (demonic_kisses) to back me up on LiveJournal posting since Skye Shiela won't help me. LoL. Sorry Skye!

But I'm so proud! TagTeam action: [Yeah Man] ( Entangled )

Title: Entangled - Rate: M [death/lang/musings] - Pairing: Naraku/Kagome

Title: Simply Rain Simply Tears
Author: my_stained_lips
Summary: Sometimes, it was just the rain that was crying for us. Sometimes. Sometimes, it wasn't only the rain.
Pairing: Inuyasha/Kagome
Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi.
Author's Notes: Parts II and III shall be out within due time, for I am lacking on that particular thought ;_;. Yeah... Also, some what edited. Or at least, it was better than the first original version...

Simply Rain...Simply Tears
Chapter 1 Simply Rain Simply Tears
BY msyp
Walking down the crowded streets of Tokyo Japan, Kagome Higurashi couldn't help but feel alone.

How many nights had she and Inuyasha walked down the bumbling streets hand in hand? She looked up through the clear plastic material of the umbrella covering her and instantly thought of her once beloved boyfriend, who was now her ex. She and Inuyasha never used a umbrella before. The rain once cleaned them of their soul and sins.

But... Would it cleanse her now? Her tainted and dirty soul that found no rest nor knew no happiness? Would her heart ever mend with the promise of tomorrow?

She stood and began to ponder. Inuyasha. They would once hold hands and walk under the pouring rain, never caring of sickness or their health. They were happy, just like lovers should be. They would walk and he would tell her of his day and vise verse. Those were the days. The days she thought were a dream come true. But like all sayings, dreams are only meant for sleeping. Those days were the days she awoke to reality and wished it was all a nightmare. My sweetest nightmare. Nightmares that awoke her through many sleepless nights with the lone stars out and the pale blue moon above her window. Her nightmares that ended with no happy ending and only the saddest of dreams. Nightmares became the sickest of realities...

Continuing on her walk, she moved past the rushing crowd. But it was hopeless. The crowd grew more rough, like the rushing rapids of the cold creek and oceans of currents and towering black waves, and soon enough, Kagome found herself lying along the side walk, umbrella-less and cold. Her wet clothes and her midnight blue hair were plastered to her face and skin, her pools empty, gazing at her hands in her lap. Nobody made a move to even help the woman on the side walk get up. They walked past her, shaking their heads, purposely kicking the mud puddles onto her. She was alone, and she was afraid. Glancing up at the darkened clouds, the rain began to cloud over her vision.

Tears began to mix in with the stinging rain water, and the ice cold water began to pour. For how long she say, even she didn't know. She could feel her heart beat against her chest, and feel the blood run through her veins.

Is this how love works? Was it suppose to feel like this? Was it suppose to hurt? Was love suppose to be painful? How could one deal with these endless confusing cycles of emotions that coursed through her head at all hours of the day and night? Through dreams and nightmares, hopes and wished, there never was a easy way out. And the memories they had made. The fading memories of time and illusions. The illusions of love she once believed Inuyasha loved her. Had he?

She finally dropped her head when a by passer kicked some muddy water into her eyes. Fuming, Kagome looked up to the black figure. Barely able to make him out, Kagome was tired of it all. Tired of pain, tired of hurt, tired of bleeding, tired of screaming, tired of breathing. Tired of living.

"What the fuck did I do to you?!" she screaming angrily.

The figure stopped walking, and turned around to look at her. His black hood covering his face. Like the shadows she had once confessed to. The shadows she so wanted to surrender herself to. The endless void of eternal darkness that came to cloud every one's heart. Clouding the heart, the eyes, the soul, the spirit. Tainting the pure and ending the pain. It called out to her. Surrender to the darkness and all pain shall end. All suffering shall fall onto the shoulders of another and free you of this burden. Only death shall set you free.

"Well if you hadn't been laying in the gutters, I wouldn't have found amusement in doing that!" the figure screamed back at her.

That voice... She recognized it. It was the voice that had screamed at her to die. The voice that had once carried so much passion and love, only to stab her in the back and yell "I hate you!" The voice that had lost her so much sleep and caused her to shed so many tears.

"Inuyasha?" she whispered with the one words rolling off her tongue in pure sadness. The figure stiffened, and then lowered his hood. Gold orbs gleamed in the poisoned dark, as they met with the color of the ocean. Both stared, neither daring to even breathe. The rain began to pour as the lightening flashed and the thunder boomed. The sky rumbled and the clouds churned as the old couple gazed to one another with nothing but pure amazement.

Was this fate? Was this destiny? Or was it simply rain? Or simply tears? Simply hurt and betrayal and sickening emotions? Was that all this was? One big game? If so where was the pause button? Or the restart button? For Kagome did not want to play this game any longer. All she wanted was to figure out how to end it, and end it for good.

"Inuyasha," she whispered again, this time with hatred burning with each syllable. Hissing it would sound more appropriate. She spoke with such distaste and had such a cold facade. Her eyes taking on a hard gleam and her fist curling into fists with white hot pain seeking through her veins.

"Kagome," he said with no emotion.

Opposites, like black and white. Pain and Pleasure. Hate and Love. These words flowed through the thoughts of both causing both to think about what had drawn them together in the first place. Confess and Sin. Land and Skye. Brown and Gold. Chocolate and Honey. That is what they were.

Chocolate and Honey. Never really tasting, but more like envying. The chocolate wishes to be sweet and yet so bitter, while the honey wished to do nothing but please the senses. There they were with tension so high and mighty.

The dark clouds to clear away with holes to let the light shine in. The rain still falling in sprinkles. Kagome looked down, not wanting to meet those golden honey eyes. Her orbs full of lingering pain met the sidewalk puddle she sat in. Running her fingers over the cool liquid, she caused the ripples to lash out like fury and madness.

Like water flowing over all the scars, and washing away all the crusted blood. All the hurt and betrayal. Water. Always within my grasp, yet so outta my reach. I could reach out and grasp it but never keep it within my hand. To have it flow ever so gently over the cracks and curves of the faded grey sidewalk and wash away all debris. Like the love of his that once ran her very veins and poisoned her to the brink of death. Poison. Poisoned Love and Poisoned hopes and dreams.

"Kagome, I-" he didn't know what to say. Sorry wasn't the thing she wanted to hear most right now and neither were the words 'I love you'. For right now she looked as if she hated those three words more than the word eternity.

"Don't say it, Inuyasha," she whispered to the ground, "Don't say it. Or rather save it. I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna hear any more of your foolish lies and bothersome truths. Right now, I don't wanna hear any of it! Betrayal hurts more than you would ever know." She took a breath and inhaled the toxic fumes before going on.

"It runs deep inside your soul to your very core. Poisoning everything it touches, ripping the flesh and breaking the bones. It pulls at your heart strings and nips at your cords. It breaks all barriers and taints the pure. It burns with white hot pain and shears the skin. Scars that never scab over and open wounds bleed freely. Oozing out, creeping out like the very shadows of hell. Burning like the flames, and turning into the very devil. Shattering the heart of the angel, making him fall and plummet to the Earth and break into shards and fragments. The fallen angel, himself, bleeds and suffers too. All these emotions! These damned emotions that you could never feel and never bother to examine with your eyes. Blind! Blind to my feelings for you! Blind to the light, and blind to the shadows at your feet!"

Inuyasha stood and stared. How could one person experience so much pain and live to scream the hated word and fling them right back into his face? How? Was the power of darkness really that powerful? Did the darkness really cover the light? Or did the darkness put up a mask and only cover the light for the time being? Like a disguise that it wore to blind those lost to the light to join and fall into the endless pure darkness? If it was . . . it was such beautiful darkness.

Yes, to Kagome darkness was the most beautiful thing in the whole world at this moment. Being the thing it was. Already tainted and never having fear of being so. You could gaze into the void for hours and still find the darkness swirling in circles and never repeating patterns. Flowing in and out of the strands of time and weaving through the hearts threads and perfect balance. Breaking that balance and tying the knot to broken hearts. That's all it was. No words could perfectly describe it. It was perfect. Darkness.

"Kagome, I want you to know that I," he struggled wondering what kind of effect it was having on her torn soul.

"I-I, I-" he stuttered. Hell! What was he trying to say? That he was sorry? That he loved her? That he wanted her back in his arms? That he would bring her and her fallen angel outta the darkness and bring them back to heaven? To cleanse them? To mend them?
"You bastard!" she screamed and came from her position on the pavement and flung herself at him. They met in a duel. She screaming words of pain, and him with eyes of pain. Battling for the greater 'good.'

Darkness and the Light. Which one was really pure? The fading light? Or the burning darkness? Swirling in the cycles of hell and heaven. Lashing out like the storm at sea, battling with the life and the concept of death.

"Inuyasha! Why does the rain pour so hard? And why is the heart most hard to guard? Why! Tell me! Tell me you son of a bi-" Kagome screamed pounding her fists into his chest. Hitting, scratching, biting. All those things did hurt, but not as bad as the emotional pain that ran around in her mind.

"Kagome-" he whispered and held her frail pasty white hands over her head. He brought her body to his, bringing her warmth and taking in the cold. Fixing the bends and hole, bandaging the wounds and tears. Finally as she gave in to the struggle, he came to and placed a chaste kiss to her torn and bleeding lips. Taking in the blood, drinking the blood.

Tasting herself Kagome shed tears of blood and sweat. She didn't want this. She didn't want his love any more! All she wanted was to finally set her soul free and haunt him in memory and tease him in his dreams. To surrender to the darkness. But then she realized that the darkness had ended with the storm. The light shining through the angry cloud and shaking heavens. It was not endless. Not longer than eternity and infinity itself. It had ended leaving her to be blind and stumble in the blinding light. It had betrayed her.

She crashed into Inuyasha's embrace muttering words and mumbling the curses she had placed upon herself and her soul. She was as free as she ever would be... for freedom wasn't free. There still was binds and bounds that held her back onto this pitiful Earth. And she was here all alone...

Inuyasha... you bastard... I hate you...

Like the simple rain... and the simple tears... tears that stain my face and hit the backs of my hands...

The darkness left me... as did you... once long ago...

Once long ago, you loved me... as I did you... Hate to say it, but...

I still love you...

-End Chapter 1-

ENDING NOTES: Insane? Over-Detailed? Overly Dramatic? Hell yeah! What can I say? What do you want me to say? It was just another rainy day...

Author's Notes: Yeah. Another complex finish to a one-piece meant only for author's love. I'm so freaking sadistic. And . . . if you have not read Counter yet, you make me sad :*( I will not force you to read my writings . . . but there will be a pop quiz. Also! Don't flame! This was one of the very first things I happened to have produced when I did start to write fanfiction. It was meant to be a poetic scheme, but after a few "stanzas," that idea flew out the window. Well, whatever. I am happy to say though that this was a muse sparker for a few fellow authors ^_~. Yeah.

Title: Simply Rain Simply Tears - Rate: PG-13 [Language/Metaphors] - Pairing: Inuyasha/Kagome

Also, my newest fandom release is about to be let out of the bag; My Stained Lips. So keep a eye out for that!

[She's Ill From Her Lack of Treatment]

2007-02-16T06:13:42Z

Shoot. I've gotten sick. WTFWTFWTF?! Yeah! ME, LEA, SICK. o_O

And as a growing teen I was suppose to be going to the Valentine's Dance. I skipped. There was bound to be too many druken teens and vomiting adults. The dances were erotic and the music was shamely horrid. I'd rather not. More later.

[She Whispers, Whispers, Whispers, Listening to Echoes for Answers]

2007-02-15T05:58:48Z

Ah, ~~Happy Forced Affections Day!~~ Happy Valentines Day!

Yeah. Hell yeah. Sorry to all! Fandom work was just not cutting it! I was uninspired to produce anything from the likes of fangirl obsession, and so; in honor of Valentine's Day, Lea happened to come out with this: Author's Note: Random writing dedicated to Shay.

[Slight warning: Mental case and insanity. Deep-sea depression. Musings and forgetting all existing homework.]

And to the Disclaimer: Screw it. I own it . . . but I really don't want to take credit for it ^_^; Really chaotic rejection of said English poems.

Title: Counter
Rate: M [Support the fountains of stopping abusive behavior]
Author: a_beloved_sin
Theme: Broken / Valentine's Day Special #1 / Raw Love
Work: Original Posting
Genre: Angst/Drama/Bad Romance
Written For: Forced Affection's Day![Dedicated to Shay-la and her infatuation with Things Change]
Topic: Proving that even abusive love can be beautiful. No, I am not sick. Yet.
Summary: Counter my actions and set me right once more.

COUNTER
BY A BELOVED SIN

We love our tragedies.
We're both broken in our own little ways.
We're broken, but we fit together just right.
Evans Blue

.:I:.

In the shadows of the veiled drapes, she dies a death, fading in and out of the dream to wake and see the mocking moon, only to be screaming and pleading again. Lying in a pool of decay and red, she sings quietly. Constantly saying the same thing over and over, the crescent still basking her limp limbs. The blackest of magic ensnaring her soul, and the rough touch of carpet burns. It didn't end, it kept going until he came back at the morn. He didn't even look at her, just walked by hissing something and walked to their rooms.

She doesn't even bother to call out for him; she learned that the hard way, don't ask for help, it only gets worse with every new face. Even old were sharp like the stinging blade. So she lays and lets her sea spread; like the plague of red butterfly wings. She watched the sun rise. She hates the sun. She wishes it would die one day and just never come up over that horizon again.

It happens. And she rolls over in her own skin of torn and battered flesh; she dies again for the second time that night. It was simply not fair. But then, nothing ever really was.

She is lonely. She whispers, whispers, whispers to the silent blanket, and the blanket of silence whispers back.

It is their secret, and they will not tell.

.:II:.

The next morning, she is alive once more, as he makes her real again. She wakes up with her bruised lips against his swollen ones, and together they silently weep from all their mourning. It was becoming real tiresome dying again and again. And it was becoming a chore to clean the blood from the walls; the red never really did wash out with the erasing solution, their flowers around the apartment wither and still in the vase of dry and grey earth. The skies never did seem that transparent, and their memories grew opaque. They were constantly dying.

He weeps and his hot metal runs down like a burn. She reaches up to wipe before it came to meet with hers. He doesn't notice. But he does notice her black and blue eye (It was suppose to be green). His calloused tip of nip was brushing against it. She shivers and draws back.

He gets mad and his brow furrows. His passion and angry get released into a kiss as they meet again to dance forever.

This time, she didn't bother calling for help. No one never came anyways . . . God was not one to answer.

.:III:.

Day fall approaches and she waits some more. Time did not tell, and it about killed her with its lasting grasp.

He comes home swaying with the ticking motion, a little like somber. She tells him she loves him, and he shows her his love; their mingling breath of sweet petals and drowning lies beer, and together they scream for their thousandth death of forever. This was getting really old.

"Please," she says as she cowards in the corner with a split lip.

"No," he says when he draws near with a busted knuckle.

She closes her eyes and waits for it to be over. When it comes, she is silent.

.:IIII:.

Death. They said It was like sleeping in a never ending sorrow filled void. There, existing, and yet not. She scoffed at the mere mention of the poetic being. "Been there, done that. It was purgatory," and she walks away. She didn't look back . . . ever.

It never got easier. And it never got harder. Staying still with the minutes passing by, and keeping her still pace. She didn't move; she didn't have to. But she didn't know: Time was tired too. It never got to rest, and no one ever asked it if it was tired of moving on. It said constantly, and its hands trembled with fear of rejection.

"Do you think that it is self-imposed?" she murmurs against it as she walks faster to catch the subway.

"I never asked for any of this," it says and looks down at her face with his. His hands now cold and stale.

"Me neither," and she continues on.

.:II I II:.

They didn't talk much over dinner. The steaks got cold. She burned the casserole. The wine was off; it didn't taste right. '

And she wonders what she is doing here again. And when she remembers, she says, "Oh."

He throws his fork down and swaps over to the center of the table hurling the scented candles at the walls. The pictures there crumble and vanish. It was unconquered as he then burrowed back into his world of sin and unknown.

She runs past and into the red room. The lock is snapped, and yet the feeling of safe is a long shot.

He screams and breaks more things. She rocks back and forth silently praying.

He leaves after slamming the door. He promises never to come back. He says it wasn't worth it; or rather she wasn't.

She still cries hours after he is gone.

Why did it feel so empty?

.:III III:.

"Sorry for trying to end you," Time says when she sees him again. This time she was early in mortal standards on the way to the studio.

(She didn't consider herself human anymore. She died far too many times to be said to be alive. What was her current? She didn't keep track anymore. It was too hard. She was a mortal who was in. She hated the immortal, for he was too.)

"Its okay," she says when she searches for her ticket in the station. She finds it; its crumpled and folded over so many times, the pink slip barely even registering as a station pass anymore. She gives it to the lady at the window and her eyebrow raises.

.:III I III:.

"I'm sorry," he says as he watches her sip her coffee. He doesn't eat his burger nor onion rings. The steam rises. It fades and disappears into the rest of the hot as hell world. She doesn't like this world. Not now, not ever.

"Me too," she says and takes a drink of the black blood. There was too much cream and not enough sugar. She calls the waitress and asks for a check. Her name is Brenda (the waitress). Her lips are too thin and she has more lipstick on her upper lip and not enough on the bottom. She talked with a slur and wore red pumps with the small black miniskirt. Her hair is red. Her eyes are blue. She watches him, yet, he doesn't notice her. He is only looking at her.

She glares at her and pulls out a small checkbook then leaves. Brenda was a bitch and a half.

She looks at the bill and sees the tiny mints placed there too. She smiles and writes a check; the waitress doesn't need a tip, the coffee was crappy enough as it was.

"I always am," she says and leaves him there with the smirking waiter. She was tired. And the sun was out. Today was not her day . . . again.

.:III II III:.

"Please," she whispers again with her head thrown back and she dies again.

He brushes the under swell of her breast. She was so soft. She whimpers when he misses her lips and she cries when his fangs break the skin. He drinks of victory. He drinks of the wine.

"Please," she says once more when his hand rushes past her pooling belly. So full, so hollow, and yet so not. She cries out when he misses again. Was he doing this on purpose? She wasn't here to play games.

She grimaced when he ran his nails alongside one particular bruise. He doesn't even notice and still cries out pleas to her aching skin desiring her touch to his heated flesh.

.:III III III:.

In the morning she dies alone again. She wakes alone in the mid of the day and the sheets drop off her still sweating body. It drapes at her tiny waist. Her hair is tangled and her eyes are drooping. The pale shadows underneath all that crusted makeup mark her eye sockets. Blood rushes to her and she breaths into the life stream again. She watches everything around her become nothing more than what it already was.

(The silence was answering her questions . . . questions that she didn't even ask yet.)

Her heartbreaks again and again when she remembers what happened to her again and again. Her hand carries his symbol; his ring. He's married to her once more. She is his. He is hers. Or was it the other way around? She didn't remember and it was rather pointless to try. She weeps.

Its sounds like a hushed laughter off the echoing walls; the neighbors thinks she is happy in love again. They are happy for her.

She gasps when her mind rewinds and plays in her empty void. Her eyes dart to the mirror and she covers her face with her hands as she cries again. The silent truly is silent this time; there is no sound. Only that of the elderly couple next door; their sad melody wavering in and out.

She knew she couldn't hide it this time around. She knew that this was too far.

Even the makeup didn't hide the black ring around her eye.

--End--

And Shay? I'm still totally not over that whole "grandmother's arm" and "she must not have buried her deep enough" thing yet! LoL. And to Mrs. Freudenberg? LoL. I still say that Lady-in-Spandex deserved that candy for that touching scene. Boo.

[She Was Drowning In A Fit of Deep-Sea Depression]

2007-02-14T06:17:26Z

View Poll: What To Do? {Help}

Vote and tell me what to do. Obviously, I can't decided for myself, so someone else has to. LoL. Thanks.